>The problem that I’m having is, I don’t know, I don’t exactly have a goal for the rest of my life
I can attest to this. I grew up in a very middle class family in a third world country and had been chasing my dreams - become a successful entrepreneur in silicon valley. I worked insanely hard for this, compromising on personal relationships, health, everything. And then, one day, I become successful. Very, very successful. I am quite wealthy now and the wealth will last generations. I am well known in the industry I work in. But it had been a struggle after I achieved success. I found myself depressed. And just last month I was put on medications.
Turns out, this is very common problem when you had been chasing your dreams all your life. Like climbing a mountain. Once you have climbed to the top, that's it. You enjoy it for a while and then you start thinking ..now what?
One way to get some sort of reset without giving up everything you've worked towards is to hike out and camp in backcountry. You're only taking what you can carry, so you leave a whole lot behind. If you're still in California, you have a lot of options within striking distance.
There isn't really a pinnacle with the backcountry or walking on the ground - there's always a longer trail or more distant target.
Yeah, not really. Like in the story in the link, and more so in the movie "Castaway" there is a big difference to what you will undergo if you are saved in a reasonable timeframe and when you DON'T get saved within that timeframe or get saved at all.
If Tom Hanks in Castaway got saved in a month or two he would mostly dust himself off and have a GREAT story to tell.
But he didn't and now he's both kinda alive and not alive and kinda weird to himself and other people. Humans go through some weird stuff when hooked off civilization. Even within the civilization some people fall through the "cracks". What those cracks are I do not know.
Resets are not for the faint of heart, and really shouldn't be messed with.
I'm talking about going camping for a few days every now and then as a change of pace. And about how in hiking there is no summit that ends your pursuit - you can find another hike or do something longer if you're keen. You appear to be talking about people getting lost in life and death situations.
This reminds me of a cartoon I saw a long time ago. Wile E. Coyote had finally caught and eaten the road runner. Now his life had no meaning, and he was slowly drinking himself to death. Don’t end up like Wile.
I am partially in your situation (just much less successful and wealthy, but enough to be relaxed about my career and money), and I am doing quite well, despite this weird covid year.
Have you tried to speak with friends, assuming you have a few?
Your depression / anxiety is exactly what good friends are for.
If I can be of any help, drop me a note ($HNusername at gmail), and stay anonymous if you'd like. I'd be happy to chat with you. Strangers have helped me in my life; I don't mind reciprocating.
you can undergo a process of self-discovery and become a mentor to the people around you. and work on building back some of what you sacrificed to get here.
I am doing that and have been donating both time and money to various causes but it is not something that brings me inherent joy. I am just living each day as it comes, but this is nowhere close to the fanatic/adrenaline filled goal driven days I have lived.
moreover, I don't even indulge in anything expensive, so I don't even feel motivated to earn more money or spend it.
So you're the next one in line to learn that what they say is true: money doesn't buy happiness. The sweet things in life are all the things you sacrificed in the process of re-making yourself in the image of the machine you built and are part of. Get the fuck out of the bay area and start over as an artist and mystic, or just hang out with some. Find a wife among ordinary people and make babies like some blissful idiot. Learn a musical instrument. I dunno. Do things hippies say to do. The purpose of life seems to be life itself, so you would at least be making more lives, or making existing ones more pleasant. Care about others intrinsically for no reason, and most will care about you. That's all anybody wants, is to be cared for and loved. Thus far you only cared about accumulating money (or that's the only care you acted on) and anyone who cares about you probably cares only because of that, even if only as an example so they can learn how to accumulate money too. It's what you've been about, thus far, and have dedicated your life to, thus far. Congratulations on being an expert in something but now you should be a beginner.
I'm not qualified to give spiritual guidance. You may need some years to recover from the grind that got you where you are today. my personal path of self-discovery has been fulfilling but I wouldn't say it brought me joy (yet). if you miss the adrenaline perhaps you would enjoy a competitive activity like sports or chess.
> I don't even indulge in anything expensive, so I don't even feel motivated to earn more money or spend it.
NewGame+. Apply the same processes of your success (minus harder sacrifices that take a toll) to a cause/goal that moves you. Doors can probably be opened much faster with your previous success and wealth, but you can just aim for a harder area to break into, or a higher impact outcome.
Indeed. But to be frank, I think he's lost something much more important.
Besides, he's already demonstrated he's capable of flourishing when risks are present.
I don't think the space is that crowded; who do you think is legitimately trying to establish order? It seems like the majority of the western ruling class are a bunch of old people merely trying to have a bit of fun before they die.
> But to be frank, I think he's lost something much more important.
Please continue.
> he's already demonstrated he's capable of flourishing when risks are present.
That is an excellent point.
> who do you think is legitimately trying to establish order?
I'm not sure how to go about answering this, I think the space is as crowded as its going to be because people who are more competent push out and make irrelevant people who are less relevant.
> It seems like the majority of the western ruling class are a bunch of old people merely trying to have a bit of fun before they die.
Personally I cannot think of anything more boring than a meeting of the EU Parliament, the UN, US Congress, or the CCP.
I think that a loss in purpose is worse than a loss in material wealth. I'm a scrappy student working on a startup I believe in, and I would not trade places with the successful entrepreneur.
I have fun climbing mountains. So does he. I have plenty of mountains to climb, while he's surrounded by the fog and believes he has no other mountains to climb. Ergo, I'm having fun while he believes he'll never have fun again.
> That is an excellent point.
Thank you.
> Personally I cannot think of anything more boring than a meeting of the EU Parliament, the UN, US Congress, or the CCP.
I never stated they have good taste :P
In all seriousness, I wouldn't really consider politicians the ruling class. Now, I'm not an expert on this topic, but I'd wager that the billionaire entrepreneurs have more power than the US senators being paid a measly $200K/year. Suppose they have a little side-hustle and make 1M/year; that's still peanuts.
> I think that a loss in purpose is worse than a loss in material wealth.
I agree and thank you for sharing your perspective.
> In all seriousness, I wouldn't really consider politicians the ruling class. Now, I'm not an expert on this topic, but I'd wager that the billionaire entrepreneurs have more power than the US senators being paid a measly $200K/year. Suppose they have a little side-hustle and make 1M/year; that's still peanuts.
Thats true but they are part of a powerful decision making body. The people who tell them what to do are a more exclusive group. And some senators somehow end up worth $100mm, that money comes from somewhere and they don't make it by accident.
> I agree and thank you for sharing your perspective.
You're welcome
> The people who tell them what to do are a more exclusive group.
That's what I consider the ruling class. Based on my rudimentary observations, I'm unsure whether such people truly want to impose some sort of order, or are just striving to maximize their quarterly revenue. Of course, there are exceptions like the CCP.
I'm a bit sleepy so I will be going to bed, good night o/
If you think back to the things you imagined you'd do when you got wealthy... can you do them now? I would imagine the answer is one of three things: 1) you've forgotten about them, 2) you can do them but have found that they really aren't very satisfying, or 3) they're actually impossible no matter how much money you have.
I'm just curious. And also, I sincerely hope you find happiness.
Not the OP, but I can answer some of your questions. I made enough about 15 years ago to never have to work again. It didn't take long to learn the following lessons:
1. Not working gets boring fast. In less than six months I was casting about for something to do. I still work, not because I have to, but because it gives me a reason to get up in the morning. It's not working that sucks, it's having to work that sucks.
2. You can get used to anything, and hardly anything is as nice in reality as it is in your imagination. The trappings commonly associated with money -- houses, cars, private jets -- the charm wears off shockingly quickly and it starts to feel like a burden and a PITA. The houses all need to be furnished and maintained. The cars get old and need to be maintained. Even private jet travel is not all it's cracked up to be. Today we have one house, we drive old, boring, but incredibly reliable Japanese cars, and we fly commercial (though I have to admit that being able to go business class is awfully nice).
Money is just a lever. If you focus all your mental energy into acquiring the leverage without ever giving any thought to where you want to pry, you can end up badly lost.
> In less than six months I was casting about for something to do. I still work, not because I have to, but because it gives me a reason to get up in the morning.
Damn. I read the same thing from a lot of people on HN over the years and I'm envious.
I think I could easily and happily just not work for the rest of my life (in my 30s). I did exactly that for more than a year, living off my savings after being laid off. It was fantastic.
For six more months after that, I worked a couple of hours a week contracting, as the savings started to dry up. But I wasn't even close to wanting to work again. Maybe it would happen in 3-5 years? Who knows, but I certainly wouldn't want to do it full time. Which is where I'm back at, currently (working as a software engineer).
Martial arts, strength training, social dancing (I also gave lessons occasionally), reading fiction, going out to concerts/pubs, dates with my GF, video games, watching tv shows/youtube, hacker news.
Daytime coffee dates with friends - if both don't have to work those can easily stretch to 2-3 enjoyable hours. Lot of sleeping (9 hours/day, sometimes more). Weekend hiking trips - much better if you don't have to wake up for work on Friday and Monday.
Travel would have been great, but I didn't want to overspend since I didn't have any income. If all of that got boring I would have tried to join an amateur band (used to play guitar long time ago).
I guess I'm just describing a student life without the classes, lol.
That's one big problem right there. Everyone I know works. I don't know if this is because they all have to, or because, like me, they choose to. All I know is that they all do. (Actually, that's not quite true. I know one couple who is retired. But I don't know anyone my age (mid-fifties) who doesn't work.
One thing I do is take jobs with flexible schedules, so mostly consulting gigs nowadays. If I want to take a Monday off, I just do it. But I find that if I'm out of the loop for too long, I want back in. I find it tremendously valuable to have someone counting on me to deliver something precisely so I dont spend all day watching YouTube, which I could very easily do. But when I do that, I feel useless, and I don't like feeling useless.
But that's just me, I guess.
One other thing that makes it work for me (no pun intended): I don't have kids. If I did, I would probably be focusing a lot more energy on them.
> Money is just a lever. If you focus all your mental energy into acquiring the leverage without ever giving any thought to where you want to pry, you can end up badly lost.
> Money is just a lever. If you focus all your mental energy into acquiring the leverage without ever giving any thought to where you want to pry, you can end up badly lost.
Agreed. In other words, money is just a linguistic tool for communicating value. So, what do you say with how you use (or don't use) this tool?
How do you express your core beliefs, convictions, or values with toul use of money? What are you trying to do ("pry") with this tool?
I think there's plenty of interesting new goals you could work towards that wouldn't necessarily be an easy thing due to your wealth. Try to become well known for something else. Start a youtube channel on something unrelated to your business. It could be about cosplay, blacksmithing, or a million other things that are not obvious money makers and don't need to be for you. I find that content creators work really hard but also find it extremely rewarding, and I think you'd find that it exercises different muscles that you aren't used to.
I can think of so many things I'd try if I were wealthy. I'd produce a fantasy movie or TV show. I'd get my pilot license. I'd learn to sail and have a multimonth voyage. I'd setup my own creative studio to build practical effects for film and tv. I'd buy land and learn bushcraft on it and build a little castaway home using only the land.
None of these have anything to do with my career in tech. Do you not have anything similar for yourself?
There’s an episode of Frasier where he wins a prestigious award for his work and he has a breakdown on stage: “I just wish I knew what the hell i was supposed to do now.” I believe it cold-ends right there.
Video games provide this lesson relatively cheaply. The next level is tantalizing but the high of winning lasts...5 minutes? 1 day? The intensity of what you describe is not felt in this example, but going through that cycle 20 times is instructive.
Another way to look at it: In life/happiness, optimize for the area under the curve, not for a single high point.
Time to get some personal relationships and health back then. And/or start some new projects in things you find significant, but not necessarily the most profitable. Kind of like the WhatsApp Founder donating to the Signal App and and being involved with it.
>The problem that I’m having is, I don’t know, I don’t exactly have a goal for the rest of my life
I can attest to this. I grew up in a very middle class family in a third world country and had been chasing my dreams - become a successful entrepreneur in silicon valley. I worked insanely hard for this, compromising on personal relationships, health, everything. And then, one day, I become successful. Very, very successful. I am quite wealthy now and the wealth will last generations. I am well known in the industry I work in. But it had been a struggle after I achieved success. I found myself depressed. And just last month I was put on medications.
Turns out, this is very common problem when you had been chasing your dreams all your life. Like climbing a mountain. Once you have climbed to the top, that's it. You enjoy it for a while and then you start thinking ..now what?