There really is an epidemic of lameness in SF and Seattle.
I'm a straight single guy. We also want interesting dude friends. I'm fortunate enough to have found many, but almost all of them are outside the tech industry or women. Many of my friends don't know what I do, let alone that I'm quite well off and successful. And if you ask me about my work and don't notice when I change the subject, I will immediately and without sympathy move you to my shitlist.
The truth is, all the pasty white faces eager to salve their insecurity by convincing me of their startup's viability are incredibly shallow and dull. Learn how to let loose and be a genuine man who doesn't need my approval. Then come talk to me.
To be fair, a genuine man wouldn't change the subject. He'd say what he did. He just wouldn't consume the entire conversation with it. "I'm a programmer for Google. Yes, I'm evil, ride free buses, and push rent up. What do you do?"
If your "friends" don't know what you do or that you're successful, you're not genuine. You shouldn't be ashamed of it. You just shouldn't be all-consumed by it either.
You might have confused "genuine" with "compliant" and "truthful."
I am under no obligation to answer your stupid, predicable, and irrelevant to our social future questions.
In fact, it would disingenuous of me to give you the impression that your social style was anything but annoying and bland, and likely to lead to me never wanting to see you again.
Honestly, not much would be missed if this is your attitude to things that don't work exactly the way you want them to.
I'd hazard a guess that your friends are more likely 'acquaintances' or 'hangout buddies' (nothing wrong with that) than friends. I know what all of my friends do in life (and it's a diverse mix, from trauma docs to people who work for the governor to self-made day traders to senior management at IT multi-nationals) and, perhaps surprisingly to you, we are able to balance work as a minor conversation topic from time to time.
But phrases such as 'stupid', 'predictable', 'irrelevant', 'annoying', 'bland' only give off the perception of you as having quite the superiority complex, haughtily sniffing down your nose at anyone deigning to disagree.
Why? For we are not our jobs. But as we move through our lives, particularly beyond that first job or two, the kind of person we might be, our wants and desires are not defined, but least elucidated at by how we choose to spend a quarter of our lives.
Contrary to your guess, this approach has brought far higher quality and more intimate relationships into my life. You'd be surprised how immediately rejecting what you anticipate will bother you results in the void being filled by what will add to your life.
If someone is still in a phase of their life where the first question out of their mouth is "what do you do for a living," they can find other friends. There are a lot of people in this world - no need for me to waste my time with ones who follow routine social interaction protocols. Suggesting this is elitist is a little silly. We are all elitists. There are 7 billion people in this world - we choose who we spend our time, and always reject others. Not actively making that choice is a recipe for an unfulfilling and frustrating existence.
I'm not saying you shouldn't know what your friends do, only that I don't want relationships where my first impression or their first impression is based on employment.
Ha. So if, at any time, over the course of our friendship, I asked what you spent 30-40% of your waking hours doing, that would be stupid, "predicable" (if you're going to call me stupid, first learn to spell check), and irrelevant? I find it odd when that's someone's first question, but someone I'd consider a friend should know that. Perhaps you have a low bar for friendship.
That's not what I said. Many of my friends do know what I do.
This whole thread is about first dates and meeting people. I don't want to be around people who have that as their first question. It indicates low creativity, low fun, social compliance, and if I bring a crew of such people around - people will assume the same of me.
If that's not who you are, learn to signal that by not asking dumb questions off the bat, and learn to time such inquiries for when they make sense and rapport has been established. Socializing is about relationships, not information exchange.
And thanks for the spelling lesson. You must be a cheer.
I'm a straight single guy. We also want interesting dude friends. I'm fortunate enough to have found many, but almost all of them are outside the tech industry or women. Many of my friends don't know what I do, let alone that I'm quite well off and successful. And if you ask me about my work and don't notice when I change the subject, I will immediately and without sympathy move you to my shitlist.
The truth is, all the pasty white faces eager to salve their insecurity by convincing me of their startup's viability are incredibly shallow and dull. Learn how to let loose and be a genuine man who doesn't need my approval. Then come talk to me.