When I broke up with my girlfriend, I de-activated from Facebook. Honestly, the experience was incredible. I felt like I had my life back. I ended up calling my friends and talking to them instead of writing stupid wall posts. I felt so self-aware of my free time that I actually started exercising more. I didn't have to fear that I would get in trouble at work for not working, nor did I have to delete inappropriate tags/pictures/comments. AND because I wasn't stalking anyone, I actually developed a healthy relationship with my ex.
I came back to Facebook though...eventually. My friends cried foul. I gave in. But as my social groups dissociate and morph, I'm feeling the need to leave again. Some things in life are just better off forgetting. You keep in touch with the friends you want to see and those that make an actual effort back. Poking doesn't cut it.
I had a similar experience in college when I cut off AIM and TV for 3 months. I felt like I had 30 hour days-it was great. Like you said, it really helps you distill your group of friends. You lose contact with the occasional friends and build deeper friendships with your core group. I still don't instant message much but TV crept back in pretty quickly.
I got tired of reprogramming my remote when the batteries died and haven't had a working one for about 2 months. I HIGHLY recommend tossing your remote, it really helps you evaluate your TV habits. You can still watch something if you really want to, but you have to actually plan for it and know what you want to see (activates executive brain function) as a result I am much more likely to simply forgo TV and do something constructive.
I did a similar thing. I haven't IM'd in... well currently I've been in Canada for almost a year, and I stopped like 95% of my IM's over a year before I first came to Canada, so I'm thinking like 3 years with near complete IM silence.
I've also cut out TV before, I found it quite liberating as it allowed me to focus my time more. However, the TV has crept back in, but it'll probably go the way of my IM when my wife finally gets a laptop so we don't have to share one... it's quite hard to sit doing something when she tries to steal it off my lap every 30 seconds.
I have recently joint up to Facebook, but I already feel I'm neglecting it. I sign on like every 2-3 days because quite honestly I don't have any friends. I ditched 80% of my friends after I graduated, because I realised they were all immature losers, I then lost the other 10% when I started spending more time out of the country than in it and the last 10% are here in Canada.
One thing I find quite strange is that I'm perfectly happy having no friends. I do have a few friends, but they're also my wifes so she does 90% of the non-hanging-out talking, where as I usually do an unequal share of the talking when everyones together and I'm not sure how as I usually only talk when asked a question.
Is it facebook that is the problem or the use of facebook?
I log into facebook about once a week (slightly more recently but hey I'm inbetween jobs). I check my messages respond, see if there is anything of intrest. Beyond that the only time I respond on facebook is when I get an email about it.
I do find facebook useful to send a message to that girl I was best friends with in Middle School, or that dude that I hung out with in High School.
If you limit your use of facebook then it does not control your life. This sounds more like a case of an addiction than something wrong with the platform (though there are things wrong with the platform imho).
I check Facebook a lot. Possibly too much. Partly it's because I'm in college and it's winter and so I spend most of my time sitting in front of the computer as-is, partly it's because I'm sure I do have a bit of an addiction problem. But for the last 6 months I've used it with only 50 or so friends: people who are close to me. One friend is in Argentina. Some friends are across the country. We keep in touch and tell each other things using Facebook. It's faster than using email, and it's less awkward than calling. (I hate the sound of a person over the phone, and some people I just don't talk to.)
But it doesn't turn you into a monster unless you let it. You don't have to poke or use applications. You don't have to incessantly update your status. Facebook doesn't force it. In fact, it punishes you a bit in that it adds clutter to the interface.
I find it kind of sad that this is the tripe Newsweek sees fit to print nowadays. I stopped reading their paper magazine over the summer, because I was astonished at how, in the two years I read it, it had gone from a pretty decent magazine to a publication interested in sensationalism and petty stories. It seems the trend has continued.
Both. There are a few things Facebook could do better, such as:
- Change the default privacy settings so that you can't see someone's pictures unless you're friends (discourages stalking)
- Change the default settings on the News Feed so that personal details are not broadcasted and give users greater control on deleting content easily. (encourages self-control)
- Allow some type of "auto-cleanse" feature to bulk edit large amounts of content (pictures, video, etc) to discourage unhealthy fixations (i.e media of ex-sig.others, spring break trips, nights of debauchery, etc).
But you are also right in that the user is part responsible. Some things I find helpful include:
- Setting up friend filters.
- Being cognizant of online sessions.
- Set a quota for wall posts, updates, profile changes.
Only interesting thing about this article is that it may be part of a larger reversal of sentiment toward Facebook by the main stream media.
But I have felt for a while that the way you share on Facebook is geared toward kids & college students. Once you're grown up, the distinction between colleague, friend, and boss can get much blurrier.
I want to be able share some things with old friends from childhood, and other things with friends from work, etc.
I'm more sensitive to the fact that every email I send someone is an imposition, and had better be worth their time, because every email I get is yet another thing to deal with. I want a way to share things with people in a way that isn't "push".
I think a "Facebook for grownups" site that took these ideas into account could get a lot of traction. (Maybe such a thing already exists, but I haven't encountered it.)
I want to be able to share some stuff with group A (e.g. old friends), other stuff group B (e.g. project collaborators), with the option of having stuff I post to group A being invisible to group B (and vice-versa).
I don't think FriendFeed can do this, but I'd be interested to learn if I'm wrong.
Legitimate question. From http://www.jwz.org/doc/groupware.html: "Your 'use case' should be, there's a 22 year old college student living in the dorms. How will this software get him laid?"
Ah, but if he's prone to computer addiction, the software needs to shove him outside to interact with real people, or shove him out of his chair to enjoy his girlfriend/boyfriend/pet(?!) in the next room. Perhaps Facebook needs the various noprocrast features HN has.
Facebook lets you communicate with people from about five arm-lengths and everyone stays satisfactorily content with the arrangement.
However, with your good friends it does help organise things as you can discuss things like in a BB forum, where everyone in the thread is involved. My friends and I are currently arranging a possible quadruple-date for valentines. It would probably be quicker to arrange over the phone, but how do you involved 8+ people in the decision making in one phone call?
Simply: Facebook will not get you laid. It will not get you good friends; you may communicate with good friends through facebook but you'll find a way to do that through 2 paper cups and a length of string! It does work as a delaying tactic so that you don't loose acquaintances, however I have little compunction against ditching acquaintances so this doesn't really help me.
I use Facebook much like I use LinkedIn: as a way for people to find me (and sometimes to find people I have lost touch with).
To keep my Facebook profile somewhat "alive", I have my Twitter account set to automatically update my Facebook status and I use the Wordbook plugin for WordPress to automatically post my latest blog posts to my Facebook Wall. Email alerts on Facebook are configured to notify me of the rare events when someone requests friendship or responds to my Facebook status, so I rarely even need to login.
For me, facebook just enables a faster way to keep connections with people in the interim between actually doing things with them in person. I can see how it can be destructive to sit on FB for hours on end and not actually go spend time with people, but like anything else, it can be used for good or for ill -it's all about balance.
* Don't accept a friend request from somebody you're not interested in as a person.
* Keep friends with the people that have cameras. Memories are wonderful things to have, and your friends may have more pictures than you do.
* Don't update your status unless you've got something interesting to say.
* If you poke somebody, ask them out later that week. Do not poke somebody you've been friends with for longer than a month.
* Tag people in notes sparingly. Don't tag people who aren't fans of "pass it along" notes.
* Only add applications that add value to your experience.
* If you see a news story in your feed from somebody you aren't interested in, unfriend them. Possibly write them an apology if they're somebody you think you might friend again later.
* If you're friends with Scoble, ignore all these, tag in as many notes as possible, tag photos of your pets with his name so he sees them, and poke, SuperPoke, and Poke-a-mon him to your heart's desire.
The difference is that Twitter is one-way. On Facebook, if you want to use it you have to consciously maintain the friends you've got, because in theory they see everything you do.
I came back to Facebook though...eventually. My friends cried foul. I gave in. But as my social groups dissociate and morph, I'm feeling the need to leave again. Some things in life are just better off forgetting. You keep in touch with the friends you want to see and those that make an actual effort back. Poking doesn't cut it.
Thats how life should be lived. I want it back.