The market dynamics for men and women are very different so my advice is different depending on what category you are in.
For women generally they have opportunities they aren't aware of or don't consider for one reason or another, for them I suggest they take the best one available and try to make it work for a while, often they find those deal breakers they had don't really matter. Also dont pretend to be into things because you think men like them, we know and it's feels like that overly enthusatistic girlfriend meme, having a legitimate interest is great though just don't be a poser. Lastly avoid older men, they probably aren't serious, see the men's advice for more details.
For men I first ask how old they are and if they say "early twenties" I clue them in on the fact that it feels like every man is trying to date a woman in her early twenties. You are competing with men who have established lives, assets, etc and that's a difficult place to be, but around 28 something magic happens. Women start to want to settle down and have children generally around 28, and the men in their 30's and 40's who figured out how to date 20 year olds don't want to settle down with a woman pushing 30 so they aren't going to get too serious. This is where you come in, if you work on your life and are in a good position to provide for children in your late twenties you'll suddenly become prince charming to these women. Many of my friends and I suddenly found ourselves with attractive women, who were actively pursuing us around this time even though we were mostly striking out in the decade prior. In short, don't lose hope it won't always be this hard. If you are a man older than that, I can't really help you since that is where I stopped playing the game.
For men I first ask how old they are and if they say "early twenties" I clue them in on the fact that it feels like every man is trying to date a woman in her early twenties. You are competing with men who have established lives, assets, etc and that's a difficult place to be
I think that there may be a big cultural and economic factors to this. This was definitely not the case when I was in my early twenties (West Europe). Early twenties people dated early twenties people. Girls definitely weren't interested in 'assets'.
The primary upward age dating I saw was around 14-16, because girls are generally mentally mature earlier than boys.
That's possible, I'm in the US and you are in for a rough ride if you choose a man who can't earn to start a family with here. Even things like parental leave are only really available over a certain income.
Interesting. Pretty much everyone can earn enough for a family here and everyone is entitled to parental leave. Besides that, we don’t consider it to be only men’s responsibility to earn, women can, do, and want to work as well.
So, money is not really a consideration in dating.
That makes sense. Here men have kept a lot of the traditional responsibilities they have had historically, it's just become a unspoken thing rather than something you say out loud. A relatively lengthy (but not all that uncommon in Europe, say 1 year) period of unemployment on the part of the man often leads to divorce, men feel a lot of pressure not only to provide but to provide what their wives see on Instagram and the like.
Come to think of it, I personally avoided a lot of this myself by not marrying a American. Not intentionally of course but that probably explains why I'm not as pressured as my peers.
I've been to some places in Asia with the same dating dynamics. But make no mistake, when women are in their late twenties, they will not settle for for a man without assets. The closer they get to thirties the harder they seek for security and a stable long term proposal.
Why do people view relationships and dating as some kind of optimization game where the only goal is to maximize some reward function, and assume that everyone does the same and also that every woman wants a rich guy?
Reading texts like this doesn't just creep me the hell out, I'm also just... confused. Are love, connection, an ability to be a functional family (with or without children) not a thing anyone thinks about in optimization game world? What's the good in having a "useful" partner who you'll just end up not enjoying life together with?
Maybe that's just me being young and inexperienced (tm), but how about finding someone who you are on a wavelength with?
Able to provide doesn't mean rich. Women have a lot of choice and a husband that shares your love for volleyball probably isn't worth living paycheck to paycheck for the rest life vs a husband who hates volleyball but isn't chronically unemployed. Most of the surface level first date things young people think are important (hobbies, music even politics) aren't really at all in the scheme of things, your tastes will change and converge over time.
For women generally they have opportunities they aren't aware of or don't consider for one reason or another, for them I suggest they take the best one available and try to make it work for a while, often they find those deal breakers they had don't really matter. Also dont pretend to be into things because you think men like them, we know and it's feels like that overly enthusatistic girlfriend meme, having a legitimate interest is great though just don't be a poser. Lastly avoid older men, they probably aren't serious, see the men's advice for more details.
For men I first ask how old they are and if they say "early twenties" I clue them in on the fact that it feels like every man is trying to date a woman in her early twenties. You are competing with men who have established lives, assets, etc and that's a difficult place to be, but around 28 something magic happens. Women start to want to settle down and have children generally around 28, and the men in their 30's and 40's who figured out how to date 20 year olds don't want to settle down with a woman pushing 30 so they aren't going to get too serious. This is where you come in, if you work on your life and are in a good position to provide for children in your late twenties you'll suddenly become prince charming to these women. Many of my friends and I suddenly found ourselves with attractive women, who were actively pursuing us around this time even though we were mostly striking out in the decade prior. In short, don't lose hope it won't always be this hard. If you are a man older than that, I can't really help you since that is where I stopped playing the game.