* That they're not "blank slates". I thought that personalities were imposed by the parents, but that's not (on the whole) true.
* Don't smack 'em. The only purpose it serves is to assuage your rage. You don't have to use violence to teach kids about hot cookers and electrical sockets.
* Don't expect them to be like you. They won't; and especially as they enter their teens, they'll do their damnedest to be unlike you. That's supposed to happen, it's normal and good.
* Cook for them. Kids get to like what their parents feed them; if you can get them to like what you like, then you get to eat what you like, AND they'll be pleased as well.
You're right, they are not blank states, and they are not entirely like you, but even so, there will be moments where you see a deep similarity that you know must be genetic, and it's quite satisfying.
And yes, physical punishment operates by fear. Avoid it. However, if they are violent with you, screaming or out of control, it might be ok. You're the judge of that. Make sure you're in control of yourself first.
> where you see a deep similarity that you know must be genetic
Sure - that's not what I meant, sorry. I meant that I had originally believed that personality was mainly the result of nurture; so I was surprised at how different each of my kids was from birth or ongoing.
From my side, as a teenager I loathed my father. It was inconceivable to me that I could be anything like him. Over the years I gave up the loathing, and we got on OK. It was many years later before I reluctantly started to acknowledge that I shared many attitudes and behaviours with him. It really pissed me of when I first began to realise.
* Don't smack 'em. The only purpose it serves is to assuage your rage. You don't have to use violence to teach kids about hot cookers and electrical sockets.
* Don't expect them to be like you. They won't; and especially as they enter their teens, they'll do their damnedest to be unlike you. That's supposed to happen, it's normal and good.
* Cook for them. Kids get to like what their parents feed them; if you can get them to like what you like, then you get to eat what you like, AND they'll be pleased as well.