My father dated somebody who was manic depressive and his life was a living hell but he wouldn't leave because he worried what might happen to her. I was living at his house after the service while in college and it was as if he himself were bipolar. She would treat him like shit so he would be sad/upset and difficult to be around. He would have a free schedule so we would plan a day and then he would get a call that she "needs" him so he would immediately leave. Then she'd kick him out and in two days "need" him again.
Having depression or being bipolar doesn't give you the right to treat other humans like trash.
Indeed. I dated someone who gaslighted me like this, treated me poorly and then held the specter of suicide over my head to keep me in line. Messed me up, let me tell you.
It can be really difficult to see when you've crossed the invisible threshold between supporting someone you love who is in pain and being an enabler who is participating in your own abuse.
I don't particularly like to talk about this, but for anyone who needs to hear it:
If you find yourself in a situation where you are being hurt by someone you care about, and you can't get them to stop - do whatever it takes to leave, immediately. Destroy your phone if you have to. For me, I couldn't think clearly and make good decisions through the fog that they and I had erected. If they hurt themselves after you leave - that is not on you, it never was. You're in a burning building. Get out with your life.
If you have friends and you see concerning behavior - don't stop telling them that it isn't okay. Remind them them that they deserve to be respected. Remind them that their mental health matters, too.
ETA:
I worry I came off as an ablest here, so I'd like to elaborate a little bit.
I don't believe depression makes people behave this way. I believe narcissism is what makes people behave this way. Virtually everyone I know has struggled with depression at some point in there life, and to my knowledge, only 2 of them have behaved this way towards anybody.
While one cannot allow themselves to be hurt like this, these people are of course in great pain and deserve empathy and respect.
The advice in the article is great. What has helped me manage my own depression is accepting there is no solution, in the sense that nothing will permanently fix it and make it go away forever, and the strategies that work today won't work forever. But there is a lot that can be done. I've seen such amazing results in friends when they found the right therapist, right medication, whatever worked for them. It's incredible and life affirming, but it's also slow and subtle and hard and painful. So slow and subtle they might not notice it themselves.
I've found the best way I can help is to be there for them consistently, and, when they're feeling lost, remind them of past conversations we've had and how far they've come. Ultimately you can only help yourself. But sometimes a friend can hold onto a nugget of your own wisdom, and give it back to you later.
Having depression or being bipolar doesn't give you the right to treat other humans like trash.