Get help. Someone to talk to. Maybe a therapist but probably a coach.
I'd suggest looking up a local independent coach. Maybe ask around for references. If you can get the company to pay for it, great (should be worth it to them). Otherwise pay for it yourself.
You have thought about this a lot, and come to a big realization. You need an outside sounding board to help you think through the implications and figure out next steps. A coach seems like a great fit because they are aimed at personal development, whereas a therapist is for fixibg things. It doesn't sound like you need fixing.
(Saying this because of personal experience with coaches)
I'd suggest looking up a local independent coach. Maybe ask around for references. If you can get the company to pay for it, great (should be worth it to them). Otherwise pay for it yourself.
You have thought about this a lot, and come to a big realization. You need an outside sounding board to help you think through the implications and figure out next steps. A coach seems like a great fit because they are aimed at personal development, whereas a therapist is for fixibg things. It doesn't sound like you need fixing.
(Saying this because of personal experience with coaches)