Maybe I'm just out of touch (25 years old here) but I've never felt this desire to share this stuff. I don't want to be the stereotypical "it's the kids who are wrong" here - but I think this behavior has been trained into them by companies whose interests are served by it. In my book that's a bad thing. A desire for privacy isn't selfish at all, it's actually a sign of a well-adjusted person.
I would go one step further: for me, the article has a slight undertone of a dystopian future. 'Why do you not want to share how great your life is? Why are you keeping these things to yourself? This is selfish, everyone should benefit from it!'
I hope this is not where parts of society are headed right now, but from my partial observation of people who regularly use Instagram, there is a certain validation mechanism going on. It tends to enforce/augment the 'drama level' in one's life to some extent, as even mundane events (getting an ice-cream, eating dinner...) have to be put into a relevant context ('Treating myself to a big cone after crushing the TPS reports today').
Exactly, it forces people to present their life in tiny little stories that are transparent and gratifying at a glance, and they constantly attend to that perspective on their life.
In a time when everybody had a certain number of friends, some closer than others, you could recognize that some of your friends were shallow and influencing you to have a shallow perspective on yourself, and you could keep those friends at a distance while seeking closeness with friends that had a better influence on you. Now everybody has those shallow friends with them all the time, even when they're alone. Morning, noon, night, taking a bath, sitting in a cafe with a coffee, looking at art in a gallery, going for a walk alone, the question in the back of your mind is always, "How do I present this moment to someone who will grant two seconds of attention to it, and who doesn't know me at all?"
Interesting, I didn't read it at all like that. I read it as pointing out the inherent shifts in interest when you are sharing intimate life with strangers.
I see your perspective in there as well. Maybe for me it is a function of my age; having already reached the magical 30-year mark, the urge of telling people to 'get off my lawn' gets bigger and bigger over time :-)
I don't really get it either and I'm about the same age as you. I feel like I don't get it to such an extreme that I actually am not sure I understand the article at all.
I like to take pictures of lots of things, I like to take pictures of lots of mundane things also, I like to take pictures with friends, of the various apartments I've had in messy states, candid photos of my loved ones just like the person in the article. I love taking photos of those things because I want to have aids in remembering what has happened and transpired. I want to remember fully what all my apartments used to look like and the things I used to own.
I want to remember my father in his old age, I want to remember obscure spots I went hiking once and forgot all about. I want to have these memories stored outside my volatile brain-memory. I don't post a single one of them on social media at all. I have zero compulsion to do so in any way, shape, or form!
I do enjoy pulling out a photo sometimes when a conversation comes up it might relate to or when I want to say "hey look at us a few years back ahaha!" but that is not very often. I can't understand the authors perspective.
The article is not about taking photos, it's about how relationships are mediated and affected by (e.g.) someone's Instagram feed.
It comes down to an essentially Sherry Turkle-esque observation: when a relationship is mediated through images on social media, each fresh image doesn't so much affirm the relationship as assert the continuing independence and individuality of the poster. You could look at it from an information theory perspective: showing people what you are up to through digital images is very different from doing things with those people.
Some people really do like to share things about themselves. It's akin to liking to perform on stage. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself. It's dragging others along with you that is unseemly.
I wonder if her mother, who let her publish this article, really grasps how invasive it is. It strikes me as an example of "praeteritio," the rhetorical device of mentioning that which can't be mentioned. It's very well written, but is it in earnest? Because I feel she's shared too great an intimacy. But I suppose the writer's gaze is always somewhat rapacious.
>For my mother, privacy is not just a personal boundary or a practical concern but an instinct, and something like an ethos: She has a deep revulsion to the idea of something private circulating in public context. She dislikes having her picture taken and hates having it shared; it removes her right to represent herself.
>As I circled my parents’ house with my phone, I claimed to be acting in good faith…But…I was trailing the threat of an unknown audience through her space.
> She dislikes having her picture taken and hates having it shared; it removes her right to represent herself.
I sympathize with the mother.
Every time one of my children has been born, I've had conversations with the "usual suspects" about not posting pictures on social media when they come visit us in the hospital.
I feel like avid Social media users are more likely to feel imposter syndrome because they're accustomed to curating their image. If you're broadcasting a specific or hyper-competent image to coworkers, there's always going to be a risk that someone will call out the fact that what you say you are (or can do) and what you actually are (or can actually do) are not in alignment.
I'd intuit you're probably right. One problem when people are too honest in public though is that negativity is perceived more than its opposite. Having a bad quality can invalidate your good ones sadly.
Stopped reading fairly early on, just comes across as very strange - visit people or your parents to visit them, it's really odd behaviour to want to go and take only pictures of their house.
The only reason we've been encouraged to "share" photos of everything is to enrich social media companies.
Recently I made a successful company broke up with girlfriend. She always used to make me beg for little things while freely spent whatever was possible on my cards, living on my dime and still ignoring me. Always busy on her Instagram, replying to comments made by her fans bla bla. And with so called boyfriend has couldn't even share a paragraph of text on instant messenger let alone finding time for intimacy or dialogue.
I'd write her paragraphs of text and at the end she will reply with a single word. Even when in front of her, she would be busy with her own thing.
I've lost interest in women since then.
It's better to be alone than have a false sense of companionship. Sure others around me might think how successful I am and how I've one hot gal, damnn I never met someone as self obsessive as her
This is my experience so far, not onces or twice, 4 times already.
These days everyone is also self obsessed.
I just want realistic sex dolls, so no one is able to manipulate me in lieu of sex.
I feel incredibly sad and lonely, and now i am very bitter too. I argument and verbally attack people.
I also hate myself now, nights and weekends are incredibly painful and lonely.
I am gravitating towards drug abuse, hell I was a guy who wouldn't even smoke or drink. On the outside, people see a successful man with nice car/house and inside it's a demon which they don't know about and can attack them anytime.
Not all women are like that. 4 women in a row is more than just bad luck. I'm sorry to say this, and it may be a bitter pill to swallow, but you yourself are doing something to attract this kind of person.
If I had to guess, off the basis of this single comment, it is trying to attract women with your success instead of your personality. You mention how successful you are three times in your comment, despite it being tangential to your point. This is the kind of behavior that puts off genuine people, but attracts shallow girls interested in using you for your money.
First of all, props to you for being honest with yourself about your frustration. Many people turn their bad experiences into anger that sits inside and ferments into a dangerous and unhealthy brew. Recognizing what's happening to yourself is an important step in changing yourself and your situation. Saying these kinds of things publicly can often bring ridicule or condemnation, but I think it's important to start by forgiving yourself for feeling this way, because it's natural and not doing so will just make you hate yourself more. The way you feel is understandable, what you do with it is what will define you as a person.
Anyway, I've had some bad experiences with relationships as well and the thing that is helping the most is therapy. I highly recommend it, it is the best money I ever spent and I think of it as an investment in my future, similar to putting money in a 401k.
I don't recommend hookers like a sibling comment did, not for moral reasons but because I don't think it'll solve your problem. I'm also lonely and often just wish I could have sex, and I can relate to what you say about wishing a sex doll could just replace your bed for a real woman. But then I had some opportunities for no-strings-attached sex and learned something about myself : turns out I want intimacy, not just sex. For many of us, sex in our minds represents an emotional connection we crave. And having sex with someone who doesn't care about you feels like shit when what you really need is someone in your life who gives a damn.
But maybe you have to learn that for yourself, and maybe your experience will be different than mine. If you're going to try transactional intimacy, maybe start with something a bit less extreme like lapdances from strippers. You might learn something about yourself. And depending on whether you are, there's less legal risk and certainly less health risk involved.
In any case, I do believe that it's possible to get to a better place. My experience was that therapy worked best, YMMV. Good luck.
That's not a girlfriend, it's someone taking advantage of you.
My suggestion is to read "Models: Attract Women though Honesty", by far the best book on how to be a better man, and possibly the best bet on changing your thought processes for the better (in addition to therapy, possibly).
If you feel like you really need sex to be happy, hire escorts: the ones that are well reviewed online are generally far better people than the women you describe, and will deliver what you agree upon with no manipulation.
Keeping a "girlfriend" such as clanrebornwow's will also cost you a lotta money, in addition to the psychological cost. At least with escorts the transaction is clearer and better-defined.
I expect Google can help you out with "escort reviews <location>" for wherever your area of interest happens to be.
Hey man, send me a PM, I know what you’re going through after living in a similarly-superficial environment. It’s just important to understand cognitive biases and how it perceives our outlook on the world.
Needless to say, if you continue to have that mentality it will only continue with a self fulfilling prophecy.
CBT would be an effective technique to help you learn about these thought processes and address them at their core. Often the crux of the problem isn’t as transparent as you’d think.
