This is a favorite topic of mine. My wife and I spent about 10 years living on five continents and traveling extensively though six (~50 countries) looking for the perfect place to live. We define "living somewhere" as renting a home, connecting the utilities and exhausting our visa. Long story short, we decided to settle in Boulder, CO (USA).
It's worth mentioning we're pretty independent, probably to a fault, and have no interest in living near family, despite having children (sorry fam).
We've lived in the following places: Bay Area, USA (twice); Berlin, Germany (twice); Montreal, Canada (twice); Chiang Mai, Thailand (twice); Sydney, Australia; Bangalore, India; Cusco, Peru; Buenos Aires, Argentina; and a handful of other places for shorter periods.
We first settled on Montreal, but on our second visit, we decided to try somewhere else. The same happened with Berlin and it's still my wife's favorite city to visit. Boulder was just a major step above the rest for us personally: friendly people, very active lifestyle, some tech/startup scene, sunny weather, mountains, etc. We've been here three years now, which is our record for staying anywhere, and we've never once thought about anywhere else.
If anyone is at the beginning of a similar journey and search, get in touch.
I'm still at the beginning of my journey, but I've found that in each new city I have to establish and grow a friend circle and it can be slow and difficult and lonely (I don't travel with a partner). Do you have any solutions or tips for this problem?
I haven't been traveling quite as long as GP but here's my two cents. Even as an introvert getting social interaction improves travel so much.
In a new city try to find a 'social hostel' (not a party hostel, unless that's your thing) with organized walking/food tours. Go on said tours and chat with everyone. After the tour see if anyone wants to get dinner/drinks/sight-see together.
Basically everyone in common areas at a hostel will be open to conversation at least. Be the initiator, chat with people, organize a group to go get dinner, etc.
If you aren't good at being the initiator, try to find someone who is and befriend them. Add people on whatsapp/messenger and setup a hostel group chat.
Befriend people who are also traveling longer term, they're usually more open to change plans a bit.
Socializing takes more effort and most relationships will be fleeting, that's the nature of the beast. But nothing makes a trip like organizing a small group of friends to travel together to a few different cities. You can create much stronger bonds and even some life-long friends.
This is probably my prejudice but 'social hostel' to me suggests under 30yrs old. I find at my age while I have no trouble hanging out with people in their 20s there are issues. For example having to eat at the cheapest places because none of them are financially secure yet. Or listening to their 20 something issues and feeling far outside of that time. There's also probably getting use to more comfort as in the comfort of a nice private room with a nice bed and nice private bathroom instead of a cot and shared bathroom. You could say that's being spoiled but the older you get the more likely you have back problems or bathroom problems that the comfort helps with.
I feel like you're way too defensive about your viewpoint! This seems 100% understandable. This guy is just talking about what's worked from his experience.
If anything, I can't imagine having more money making things harder. Wouldn't you be able to join a travel group? I guess the main issue there is people would probably be coming with their families, though.
There's gotta be some way to meet other bachelors who are decently well off.
- join local communities that interest you (cycling, running, chess, gaming, etc)
- don't be shy about being explicit about meeting new friends. there are others out there just like you and you'll find just by simply saying "im looking for new people to meet" will make it much easier
- drink! I hate to say it, but drinking (nothing excessive) makes meeting people much easier
I've been lonely enough times in my life (due to moving to new places) that after you've done it enough it sorta becomes regular practice. I like to remind myself of a Tobias Funke quote "there's dozens of us, literally dozens of us!"...in other words, you're not alone no matter how small you think you are.
Go to meetups. Language exchange meetups are the most diverse in terms of what people you meet do for living. Programming meetups let you befriend people from IT circles.
On Friday I visited a Mundo Lingo meetup in Buenos Aires and met a lot of interesting and nice local people (along with travellers from other countries). If I was planning to stay longer I'd say I could have met there one or two people I could be long term friends with. And it was so easy and enjoyable. Normally I'm not good at social events, like parties or generally interacting with strangers at clubs and pubs, but the atmosphere there is the most friendly.
After a few years we started valuing friendships more and more. I don't have any solid tips other than making it a genuine priority and treat it like an ongoing project. Learn how to make contact, get better at approaching strangers, etc. That said, it is nice to eventually settle down and build longer lasting friendships, though those you build on travels don't have to disappear if you keep in touch and revisit each other. I think I've learned it's better to have a larger and wider variety of friends even if some are distant than a smaller homogenous group of friends.
Creating a new network in a new dwelling place can be a great experience because the bonding experiences you have with people will create your mutual history. For example, if you walk across campus with a lady it's not too distinct a time for either person, perhaps. But, were you carrying just one umbrella and offered to share it, your joint venture under the canopy, shielded from the rains, would be [more of ]a bonding experience and help swiftly build a relationship. In short, don't shy away from adversity, it is the wall you scale to reach the horizon. My usual strategy is to go to places where I can meet other travelers (typically a low-key hostel i've found via guide-book) and once you start connecting with travelers it's easy to grow your field of friends. Which is cool, because the bigger your field of friends, the more likely you are to connect with the someone who is super groovy for you as you are for them. Or the crowd, or the group, or the sextuplet. The singular-pair partnering is a bit antequated for my tastes, the relationships of harmony and Love among people can appear in so many ways. (Thinks to self: This is such an involved question I almost regret beginning to answer it at this point but I would like to add in finality, that) finding a partner is not an easy task to be undertaken like shopping for a one-time commodity, it is a joint journey of co-discovery that begins when one person is whole in their own, and both be able to comfortably accommodate a binary star system in their heart.
In meeting people, you may want to simply be in places where you can peaceably interact with new friends. It depends on the calibre and quality you seek. A library near a research institution will likely yield interesting discussion, but that's not to say you won't run into a chemist on the beach.
Probability (odds of interaction) is good if you want to try and get a hold on events and mingling. Consider Tokyo, a hypertech culture compared to many places that requires scheduling a month or two out on your calendar just to meet up with a buddy. It's bizarre, and perhaps a trend common only to the big city, but it's interesting to take note of and do-as-they-do. In Japan, people use Mixi for networking, oftentimes there are get-togethers situated around specific activities like tennis, movie-going, karaoke, enjoying the cherry blossoms with SLR, etc. Getting roped into an activity or finding local get-togethers like that can really expand your network rapidly, and with a shared-interest you at least have a reason to keep meeting up.
Bees are attracted to a variety of flowers, and every flower is vibrant, has strength, has fragility and delicateness, and it has its own lock on the situation. The flower is always a flower, but unfolded to different degrees. It doesn't waver in being a flower. When the flower is 100% its best flower, the bee comes to the flower.
> The bigger your field of friends, the more likely you are to connect with the someone who is super groovy for you as you are for them. Or the crowd, or the group, or the sextuplet. The singular-pair partnering is a bit antequated for my tastes
This is something that personally put me off the nomadic lifestyle. It seems to be a very common theme, and the concept of "locationships" as well.
If GP is the same way, I'd recommend to GP to first find a partner that's open to traveling, and then go traveling with them. Otherwise, the world is your oyster as sova said.
> finding a partner is not an easy task to be undertaken like shopping for a one-time commodity, it is a joint journey of co-discovery that begins when one person is whole in their own, and both be able to comfortably accommodate a binary star system in their heart.
I feel that was a very poetic way of explaining finding a partner. Thank you. You have a way with words.
Hah funny enough my story is about the same. My wife and I spent much of the last 10 years traveling (although only for a few years together). Since I was working remotely I worked from a few countries in South America, Australia, New Zealand, and a variety of countries in Europe.
We finally settled down in Boulder in 2016 although we still travel a few months every year with our 2-year-old son. Boulder is a really amazing place (but very expensive). For us, we wanted a place with easy access to nature, a ton of sun, good tech scene, and walkability. We love that we can easily walk downtown, to the library, to the farmer's market, and to the grocery store with ease. We both grew up in Arkansas where you have to take a care everywhere which we dislike.
My wife and I used to travel a bunch, but we have a 6 month-old now and start to find ourselves pretty pinned down and not easy to go on even short trips. The good thing is I made the jump to a remote job so we now have flexibility, but infant care is currently proving to be quite time consuming.
How old are your children and how do you deal with their needs with your living in different states and countries? How is their schooling?
I currently live in the suburbs of Bay area so the remote job is working out great, I can enjoy Bay area conveniences and food without suffering the commute traffic. But we would like to live in other places too, provided that we figure out plans for the kid, with regards to schooling etc.
Interesting. I loved Berlin but absolutely hated Boulder (the people, not the place itself which is beautiful). Also hit the bay area twice. I think Boulder is pretty different once you have a family and money vs. trying to make it there when you're a confused 28 year old between jobs like I was.
I am at the beginning of this journey. My fiance and I booked 3 months in bellingham starting in february, then for summer we will go to Portland or omaha, then fall will be boise, winter will likely be in denver or boulder. Looking forward to exploring the world the same way you and your wife have.
Why do you like Berlin?
I live 4 hours from that city and I consider it to be one of the best in Europe. I'm particularly interested why others like it because I still have it on my list of life targets :)
We liked Berlin because it is cheap, has good diversity (I know, Boulder is one of the least diverse places on the planet in contrast), has lots of recent history to explore, public transport is good, a culture that's interesting to us, a decent amount of English spoken, tech scene, startup scene, lots of great places to visit only a short flight away (keep in mind we're from Australia), and most of all it just felt right the two separate times we lived there.
What ended up driving us away was the red tape running a startup in Germany and dealing with taxes, etc. Normally we wouldn't let this deter us, but we had a shortlist of other places we liked just as much.
Sydney is a beautiful city, but still part of a rather insular and inwards looking country. House prices are obscene (but are finally dropping!), the public transport is a disgrace compared to any European city, and if you work in tech, the really good jobs have only started to appear in the last 2 or 3 years.
I left it for Berlin, and mostly don't miss it (apart from days like today where I could perhaps tolerate weather slightly warmer thatn 0º.)
It's worth mentioning we're pretty independent, probably to a fault, and have no interest in living near family, despite having children (sorry fam).
We've lived in the following places: Bay Area, USA (twice); Berlin, Germany (twice); Montreal, Canada (twice); Chiang Mai, Thailand (twice); Sydney, Australia; Bangalore, India; Cusco, Peru; Buenos Aires, Argentina; and a handful of other places for shorter periods.
We first settled on Montreal, but on our second visit, we decided to try somewhere else. The same happened with Berlin and it's still my wife's favorite city to visit. Boulder was just a major step above the rest for us personally: friendly people, very active lifestyle, some tech/startup scene, sunny weather, mountains, etc. We've been here three years now, which is our record for staying anywhere, and we've never once thought about anywhere else.
If anyone is at the beginning of a similar journey and search, get in touch.