It is hard to say anything true about relations between the sexes without being somewhat sexist. I think that's because nobody really likes the naked truth on that topic.
Let me observe that both men and women don't just want to find someone of the opposite sex, they would like to be with someone who is as good as possible. When you are with a person who is as good as is possible for you to land, that person will be someone you have difficulty getting to be interested in you like you're interested in them.
So, for instance, a man who dares say something moderately insulting to a woman early on establishes that he thinks that he could do better. If he does not offend her too badly and turns around and gives her some hope, that gives her the message that he's someone she has a chance at but has to work for. If she believes that message, she'll think of him as a good potential catch.
Going the other way, a woman who doesn't feel compelled to return a man's calls promptly, puts off sex, and who insists from the start on time for herself is demonstrating that she believes she is a reach for him. If he believes her, then he is more likely to work to establish the relationship, including making the commitment to take care of her and help raise their children. (Which is what marriage is.) No man likes those games, but most of us respond to them.
These parallel pieces of advice are both effective and offensive. You'll find the advice for men as part of the standard repertoire in virtually any guide for pickup artists. It is standard because experience shows that it helps get women in bed. Conversely the advice for women is straight from http://www.amazon.com/Rules-TM-Time-Tested-Secrets-Capturing.... That is sort of a female counterpart to the pickup artists guide and is about how to land a man who will commit. The polarization of the reviews is evidence of both offensiveness and the gratitude of women who found the advice effective. (Read the reviews and you can verify the reasons for the votes.)
So there is a concrete example for you. Landing someone of the opposite sex and getting them to do what we want them to do is of interest to the vast majority of us. (Yes, some people are gay or asexual, but the vast majority are straight heterosexuals.) Yet advice that is effective for that is quite offensive.
And, of course, when we're offended by advice about the sexes, we usually call it sexist.
Seriously, The Rules simply do not work if you're looking for a loving, equal partnership. It's all manipulation and games. Same with the "pua" approach. The vast majority of people do not behave this way toward partners or potential partners.
You are right that neither is a recipe for an equal partnership. Both are based on setting up a power imbalance from the beginning that makes what you want more likely to happen.
However I emphatically disagree about what the vast majority of people do and do not do. In our culture men generally prefer to date younger women of lower socioeconomic status who are physically smaller than themselves. And it seems like most women find this acceptable. How is that not a built-in power imbalance in the relationship? How does that square with having an equal partnership?
This is yet another example where an obvious truth about the relationship between the sexes offends people.
It's not offensive, it's just sort of incorrect. Most people date and marry those in the same age and socioeconomic bracket. You are greatly exaggerating the socially condoned differences.
Like any partnership, both parties bring valuable things to the table, some of which are less quantifiable and tangible than height and money - organizational and management skills, social benefits, etc. Depending on context, the partner with less physical and monetary power may still be the stronger party in a relationship. This is where trust and honesty and a will to please the other, rather than just take what you want, come into play to keep the power balanced and the relationship healthy. Any sufficiently imbalanced partnership, romantic or otherwise, is doomed to eventual failure.
* That is sort of a female counterpart to the pickup artists guide and is about how to land a man who will commit.*
It is not really, since "game" is not about relationships. The female equivalent of "game" is a push-up bra and control pants. Does it work? Absolutely. Will it get you what you want? Ultimately, probably not.
You are missing the important fact that in general men want sex and women want commitment. Thus the best female counterpart to a pickup artists guide is one that ends up with commitment, and not lots of sex.
The rules are essentially pretend to be someone you are not and don't reveal anything undesirable about yourself (children, prone to depression) until after a man is emotionally invested (that's Rule 13). The male equivalent to "the rules" is overspending to appear richer, lying about being divorced, and don't mention your vasectomy until after the wedding.
Rule 23: Don't tell your therapist about the rules because (s)he will tell you you are being dishonest and manipulative, and then you'll die alone.
(Yes, I read "The Rules", every guy should. Once you know the rules, you can downgrade rules girls from "girlfriend material" to "short term fun".)
What if they are not improved by doing that? What if women actually respond "better" to not being listened to? If that's (empirically) true, is that acceptable? I think the parents are asking how we can go about wrangling with gender roles, when maybe we're just programmed to be shitty to each other. It's not a secret that our social interactions are still hierarchical, as disgusting as that is.
Boys like talking about things, girls like talking about people. So the "listening better" actually becomes "understanding an alien mindset." I feel that this fact actually makes the above question sexist, because the two sexes involved interpret the action "listening" to mean two completely different things.
