I try to do everything also (to a fault). I'm not first generation, but my wife's family has that mentality very ingrained.
At the moment, I'm lucky enough to have some cash. I can hoard it in the bank, or I can spread it around. You should certainly save and look out for your family. But spending money is part of how capitalism builds a society. Don't feel guilty. Feel good that you can help.
"spending money is part of how capitalism builds a society"
This is a really important point.
I'm currently reading The Rational Optimist (http://www.amazon.com/The-Rational-Optimist-Prosperity-Evolv...) which is about technology, innovation, and economic progress throughout history and one of his major points is that economies progress when people become more reliant on one another so they can focus on their specialty (ex., hire someone to do laundry because your time is most valuable coding). Economies in which people are self-sufficient are by definition less productive and innovative because there's less money flowing around and people are spending less time on the things they are comparatively better at.
It's a slow start but a fantastic read (and a challenging one for a person who likes to be self-sufficient).
God. I had this uncle wouldn't stop talking about how much his time is "worth" and that he has everything done for him if it could be done for less. Even at 15 I asked him if he couldn't have one his interns hang out with us instead.
I still bill 150+ an hour and change my own oil. Living life means doing mundane things for yourself. I wish lots of those rich people who have valuable time would realize that they shouldn't shit for themselves.
Thanks for the link. I'm putting that one on my list.
I like how you said "most valuable". My time isn't any more valuable then someone else's. I'm just most valuable writing code. Someone is else is most valuable cooking. Others are most valuable curing diseases.
A small tangent, but Michael Pollan's "Cooked" makes a reasonable counter-argument.
By delegating everything that we're not "most valuable" at to others, we potentially end up becoming impotent and un-informed, unable to make intelligent decisions outside our area of expertise. Thus we lose our ability to be good citizens.
He specifically makes the point in the context of cooking, something he argues is so fundamental to our survival that it is a skill all humans should have at least some basic ability to do.
I agree with that. It's one of the reasons I'm trying to learn to cook. How can I be so bad at something I do multiple times every single day? It makes you think differently.
"A dash of salt, a pad of butter, cook until brown". None of that means anything to me! I've been coding my whole life. How much is a dash? What shade of brown?
Dash=1/8 teaspoon
Pad=1 teaspoon
Brown=It looks tasty enough to eat
I used to get mad about the lack of precision in many recipes, but I worked through it and adopted the "would I eat it" test for doneness.
It's a matter of experience, and you only get that by doing. Having an experienced mentor can help, but is not necessary, only a willingness to experiment.
Now I embrace the imprecision because it enables creativity without fear.
I used to have this problem to a fault. In my case, it wasn't just about money but also about not trusting other people to do work for me. I have managed to get over this, slowly, but I still get some passive-aggressive shit from my mother and sister about having cleaning and landscaping services.
At the moment, I'm lucky enough to have some cash. I can hoard it in the bank, or I can spread it around. You should certainly save and look out for your family. But spending money is part of how capitalism builds a society. Don't feel guilty. Feel good that you can help.