it's great to find like-minded people here. We start our day with meditation. We form habits. I have something to share about meditation with regards to the issues you mentioned. Please let me know if you find this helpful.
Meditation is a mind training. The goal of this training is to be mindful in every aspect of our lives. Before I elaborate on this, I would like to touch on a few other key words such as dwelling, wandering, and tug of war.
Our mind wanders all the time. For example, I might be programming in front of my computer and yet my mind wandered to think about e.g. pornography. Here I see that our mind is pulled to temptation.
Our mind dwells on issues all the time. For example, my partner might accuse me of being indecisive. And I feel unjust about this statement. I'm angry and upset about this matter. I'm angry and upset because my mind dwells on it. My mind keeps thinking about it. Then when I'm hungry all I think about is finding food to eat and I consume the food. Following this, I might realised that I am no longer angry and upset. Why? It's because our mind doesn't dwell on the issue anymore. Instead our mind focus on finding food, and consuming it.
According to my Bhante, Buddha notes that our mind is like a monkey trying to grab on to branches and branches. I hope I'm making sense here, because I'm also learning to be mindful through the practice of meditation. I am still learning. On a personal note, I try to meditate every morning right after waking up. And every night before turning in. I try to meditate for 10 mins each session.
Going back to my point on the goal of meditation. The goal is to be mindful in every aspect of our lives. Ultimately, we should see ourselves bringing our mind to the present/awareness (that means not wandering/dwelling like monkey grabbing branches) in a blink of an eye or a snap of a finger. For example, if I am driving, I should focus on driving and not wander/dwell on something else. If my mind wandered I should be able to bring it back to my awareness that I'm driving on the road in a blink of an eye.
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In my opinion, to iron out the issues you're facing with meditation I recommend that you seek a mentor/teacher. For me, I learnt a lot from and am still learning from my Bhante. He is truly a great teacher. PM me anytime if you have any thing to clarify. jek.bao.choo@gmail.com
