Although basic and lacking a bit in depth, the book I found most helpful when transitioning from confrontation to questioning was "Demystifying Counseling" by Arlene King. It's short, clearly written and jargon-free.
Most therapy manuals are awful though - and so much of my progress since then has been helped along by reading bios or analysis's of the greats in the field, and adapting their methods to match my personality. It's very much an art and not a science - and my progress has been determined as much by my self-knowledge and the strength of the integration between my conception of life and my practice as my knowledge of specific methods of inquiry.
So all that to say I don't have much - although you've motivated me to look around for it. Feel free to drop me a line so I can share when I find something.
You may want to take a look at Improvement Kata and Coaching Kata. It is basically a coaching technique based on questions, used on learning environments. Lean Education and Toyota Kata are also related, so you may find good info when searching for those keywords as well.
It is not exactly the same situation, but if you treat that person as someone who needs to learn something about herself that she didn't realise (or refused to accept), it might be very similar.
