Despite his points about politeness helping him, which I appreciate, politeness is still following rules, aka doing what other people tell you.
With social skills, as with any other discipline, merely following rules will make you a craftsperson, not an artist. Artistry comes from knowing the rules so well you can transcend them. I prefer the musician who knows how to improvise sometimes the "wrong" note, the quarterback who shines when the play falls apart, the chess player who develops new moves, ... you get the idea.
Personally, I'm more interested in becoming an artist than just following rules. For example, I prefer to find out how I can quickly create deep bonds, which you can do when you break some of the author's rules. I grew up with poor social skills and the geek scientist in me wanted to understand what was going on. Then the geek entrepreneur in me wanted to use what I figured out and develop it as far as I could. Then the business entrepreneur in me wanted to polish it so people would appreciate it. Now I coach people in it too. I feel like the guy wrote a story about how to play scales on the piano, though I enjoyed the writing style. Who wants to stop there?
My story about my friend and Jack Nicholson at the U.S. Open illustrates the social value in breaking a dress code (from my blog http://joshuaspodek.com/high-status-living-rules-jack-nichol...). There are a million other role models of people who shine in breaking rules, but I'll just tell that one story about him:
A friend who grew up in Queens and became the senior ball boy at the U.S. Open told me a story about his friend who worked there too.
One day he was working at the door to the U.S. Open’s VIP room enforcing the jacket-and-tie dress code. Jack Nicholson came by and started walking into the room wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
My friend’s friend, following the rules, in a nervous high school student voice, said “I’m sorry Mr. Nicholson. There is a dress code and I’m afraid I have to ask you to follow it.”
With a polite laugh, Jack Nicholson said “I don’t think so,” and continued in.
I'll bet Jack Nicholson didn't start breaking rules because he became a star. I'll bet he became a star by breaking rules -- not blindly, but intelligently.
It's flout a dress code. (I wish there were some phrase or acronym we could use to signal a correction offered with friendly intentions. And yes, I'm aware of the [irony?] of offering such a correction in a thread about ... politeness.)
To be more constructive: There are great benefits to having high status, but it's simply unreachable for most of us, in addition to having hidden downsides. Instead, I would focus on being pleasant to people around you and create good personal relationships.
I think he's referring to the "Pick-Up Artist" community and their tendency to eschew empathy and solidarity in favor of manipulation and competition. "Don't hate the playa, hate the game"
The name escapes me, but I remember seeing an episode of a television series about pick-up artists where the guy talked about the importance of dressing outrageously and not conforming to a dress code.
Perhaps this guy is assuming that because pick-up artists and the original poster both have similar thoughts on dress codes, the original poster is therefore a pick-up artist?
There are lots of people in the PUA community who just use the same techniques that work to "pick up" people to be more socially confident and meet people.
Often people will talk about things like maintaining eye contact, escalating, inner game, etc. In the end, its just exploiting how we are as humans the same way slight of hand works and we all clap at David Blane.
It's not a thing unique to pick up artists though, it can be applied to most arts or indeed programming.
There was an article posted on HN a while ago that explained a similar effect (dressing differently to show status) outside of the context of PUA. For example Zuckerberg wearing a hoodie to meetings with Morgan Stanley.
With social skills, as with any other discipline, merely following rules will make you a craftsperson, not an artist. Artistry comes from knowing the rules so well you can transcend them. I prefer the musician who knows how to improvise sometimes the "wrong" note, the quarterback who shines when the play falls apart, the chess player who develops new moves, ... you get the idea.
Personally, I'm more interested in becoming an artist than just following rules. For example, I prefer to find out how I can quickly create deep bonds, which you can do when you break some of the author's rules. I grew up with poor social skills and the geek scientist in me wanted to understand what was going on. Then the geek entrepreneur in me wanted to use what I figured out and develop it as far as I could. Then the business entrepreneur in me wanted to polish it so people would appreciate it. Now I coach people in it too. I feel like the guy wrote a story about how to play scales on the piano, though I enjoyed the writing style. Who wants to stop there?
My story about my friend and Jack Nicholson at the U.S. Open illustrates the social value in breaking a dress code (from my blog http://joshuaspodek.com/high-status-living-rules-jack-nichol...). There are a million other role models of people who shine in breaking rules, but I'll just tell that one story about him:
A friend who grew up in Queens and became the senior ball boy at the U.S. Open told me a story about his friend who worked there too.
One day he was working at the door to the U.S. Open’s VIP room enforcing the jacket-and-tie dress code. Jack Nicholson came by and started walking into the room wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
My friend’s friend, following the rules, in a nervous high school student voice, said “I’m sorry Mr. Nicholson. There is a dress code and I’m afraid I have to ask you to follow it.”
With a polite laugh, Jack Nicholson said “I don’t think so,” and continued in.
I'll bet Jack Nicholson didn't start breaking rules because he became a star. I'll bet he became a star by breaking rules -- not blindly, but intelligently.