Indeed, society's norms are something like GAAP, but for interactions. There will certainly be deviations, a population of observers party to those behaviors would agree.
But then there are those behaviors that a majority of observers would classify as 'douche-y' or something synonymous. In that sense they are qualities of the observed. Sometimes it's accidental- we've all done that. Most of us feel a little bad when we realize that we've unintentionally hurt someone's feelings, even if we think we've done it for their own good. Sometimes the person has no idea- missing the social cues that they've said or done something painful to another. These people can't be blamed any more than an albino can be blamed for the color of her skin.
Then there are the assholes, the ones who are smug about their 'directness,' who take some pride in keeping others off balance. Kind of like the big loudmouth at the bar that nobody messes with because they are simply intimidated, these people seem to get some social ego benefit from their behavior. They have no class.
But then there are those behaviors that a majority of observers would classify as 'douche-y' or something synonymous. In that sense they are qualities of the observed. Sometimes it's accidental- we've all done that. Most of us feel a little bad when we realize that we've unintentionally hurt someone's feelings, even if we think we've done it for their own good. Sometimes the person has no idea- missing the social cues that they've said or done something painful to another. These people can't be blamed any more than an albino can be blamed for the color of her skin.
Then there are the assholes, the ones who are smug about their 'directness,' who take some pride in keeping others off balance. Kind of like the big loudmouth at the bar that nobody messes with because they are simply intimidated, these people seem to get some social ego benefit from their behavior. They have no class.