As a young male engineer in SF who is very much not the brogrammer type, I can understand where the author is coming from. I'm neither a bro, nor a nerd. I find myself in a vacuum sometimes, wondering where the other "well rounded" guys from "flyover country" are. Everyone seems to be too caught up in their startups or caught up in the money. Or their so nerdy that it's impossible to have an honest conversation with them. (Engineers can be so self-righteous sometimes.)
There is a lost art that these tech hubs need to find again. Maybe it's "being a gentleman". Or "being a renaissance person". There are so many soft skills that most people (young tech guys) lack.
* How do you have a conversation with someone not from your socioeconomic/political/technological/generational background?
* How do you treat a woman with respect and dignity?
* How do you "pick up girls" without needing to resort to the absurd tactics of The Game?
* How do you host a dinner party?
* How do you approach the arts and culture?
* How do you pay attention to world news and politics?
* How do you dress respectfully?
* Can you debate philosophy gracefully and purposefully?
From the outside perspective, I'm one of the rich, dumb tech nerds that this article is rallying against. I'm a white kid from flyover country. I have a lot of money. My company is very successful by all standard measures. I'm an engineer, I like science fiction.
It's funny, though, when people (especially women) meet me. They are often surprised that I am not an idiot brogrammer. I can carry on a conversation about topics outside of tech. I have opinions about the arts and music. I can discuss world politics with knowledge and tact. I know how to carry a conversation: give and take, tell jokes, etc. I have traveled widely.
Because of this differentiation, I've found it very easy to pick up women in SF. Women are surprised to find a genuine person who actually cares about them, what their passions are, what they think.
I know I'm not perfect, and I certainly am striving to do better at all of these things. But I know I'm one of the few who actually pursues these activities and has interest in these kinds of soft skills. I wish more people took this approach. I would have more friends, the women of tech hubs would write fewer articles about idiot brogrammers, and we'd all live a more fulfilling and happy life.
So here's a plea: let's make a finishing school for nerds. We would all benefit.
I agree that teaching people how to carry on conversations would be a useful course. But the slight problem with a finishing school is that nerds will probably disagree on the topics of such a school and find some of these suggestions offensive.
E.g.
>How do you pay attention to world news and politics?
Hopefully little as most news isn't news in any usable way. And unless you're actually doing a lot of research, you're unlikely to be discussing anything at a usable level. It's not like I'm going to be comment intelligently on e.g. Crimea without spending what, hours or more(?), reading background on it. News reporting is unlikely to get much insight other than noting which countries are in NATO and saying things like if the US started a war with Russia it would be a big deal. The rest just makes people suffer more bias as they start overestimating the incidence of uncommon events.
Talking about the news is as small talk as talking about the weather. At least with the weather you're likely to get some things right.
Politics, at least in the US, seems to be dominated by moronic discourse. Even the writers/shows that I "agree" with are intellectually dishonest and obviously just "rooting for the team". I'd be surprised if all modern politics is not about the same thing.
>Can you debate philosophy gracefully and purposefully?
What do you mean by philosophy? Because what "most people" consider philosophy is unlikely to lead to any useful discussions. And worse, if you're trying to have a polite conversation with someone but somehow find out they take p-zombies seriously... well it puts a downer on the mood. Just like when someone says they've been feeling sick, probably because of all the WiFi or chemtrails. Or maybe that's what you mean by graceful? How to say "oh really?" in a nice tone and change the subject?
>And worse, if you're trying to have a polite conversation with someone but somehow find out they take p-zombies seriously...
OH GOD! Don't tell me you're some kind of damn dirty naturalist! You people and your scientism! Don't you know Bayes' Theorem can't even solve the Problem of Induction!?
Are you serious? This guy clearly never heard of modesty. Full of himself. Sounds just like the guys in the article (count the I...'s) but added the fake interest in the lady to get his d* wet.
As a young male engineer in SF who is very much not the brogrammer type, I can understand where the author is coming from. I'm neither a bro, nor a nerd. I find myself in a vacuum sometimes, wondering where the other "well rounded" guys from "flyover country" are. Everyone seems to be too caught up in their startups or caught up in the money. Or their so nerdy that it's impossible to have an honest conversation with them. (Engineers can be so self-righteous sometimes.)
There is a lost art that these tech hubs need to find again. Maybe it's "being a gentleman". Or "being a renaissance person". There are so many soft skills that most people (young tech guys) lack.
* How do you have a conversation with someone not from your socioeconomic/political/technological/generational background? * How do you treat a woman with respect and dignity? * How do you "pick up girls" without needing to resort to the absurd tactics of The Game? * How do you host a dinner party? * How do you approach the arts and culture? * How do you pay attention to world news and politics? * How do you dress respectfully? * Can you debate philosophy gracefully and purposefully?
From the outside perspective, I'm one of the rich, dumb tech nerds that this article is rallying against. I'm a white kid from flyover country. I have a lot of money. My company is very successful by all standard measures. I'm an engineer, I like science fiction.
It's funny, though, when people (especially women) meet me. They are often surprised that I am not an idiot brogrammer. I can carry on a conversation about topics outside of tech. I have opinions about the arts and music. I can discuss world politics with knowledge and tact. I know how to carry a conversation: give and take, tell jokes, etc. I have traveled widely.
Because of this differentiation, I've found it very easy to pick up women in SF. Women are surprised to find a genuine person who actually cares about them, what their passions are, what they think.
I know I'm not perfect, and I certainly am striving to do better at all of these things. But I know I'm one of the few who actually pursues these activities and has interest in these kinds of soft skills. I wish more people took this approach. I would have more friends, the women of tech hubs would write fewer articles about idiot brogrammers, and we'd all live a more fulfilling and happy life.
So here's a plea: let's make a finishing school for nerds. We would all benefit.