I really hate when people talk to me on the trains. I usually have a book I'm reading, computer to work on, etc.. Yet it's not polite to tell them I don't want to talk. Often short one word answers aren't enough to clue them in either. The article claims we should sit down and talk to strangers, but what if the stranger is similarly forced to respond and doesn't want to?
For reasons I've never understood, people try to talk to me on trams in my city once or twice a week. Maybe I look more welcoming than I feel.
Some of these conversations are awkward for abnormal reasons (the other person has some kind of mental or dependency issues) but even when the other person is normal: I don't like it.
Simply: I don't like idle chatter. I would rather sit in silence.
Yes, I could simply tell people I don't want to talk. I've done this but unless you actually have a book to hide behind you're likely to endure the rest of the journey being regularly glared at like you're the worst person they've ever met.
This doesn't apply to people with actual questions. That's fine – you can answer the question, be helpful and follow up on the topic or not at your choosing.
But for random unsolicited conversation, I think the cultural norm of avoiding idle chat with strangers is helpful and positive.
The usual solution is headphones. And if you're not the type of person who enjoys constantly listening to music, well--the headphones don't necessarily have to be plugged into anything (besides your pocket.)
That isn't "simple". Let's say your preference is "I don't want to talk to this person." That cannot be said politely! Notice instead to make it polite you had to recast it -- "I would rather be doing X rather than talking to this person." That is not an obvious transformation, and it's not helpful to go around saying that it's "simple". Instead you could give explicitly the advice that you've given implicitly: Take your preference not to talk to the person, and recast it as a desire to do X (where X doesn't include talking to the person).
Now, you may point out that these two preferences are extensionally equivalent. But we're working with mental representations here, so the distinction is important.
Also, this approach is not bulletproof. E.g.: You're not doing anything but watching the walls of the subway tunnel go by. "Sorry, I'm trying to...?" This leaves you with a lack of things to say. It also has the general problem of excuse-making (because that is what you are doing when you recast your preferences like that), namely, the person may try to engage you along those lines. ("I'm trying to solve this puzzle." "Oh, yeah? What sort of puzzle is it?" Sure, there's are potential replies to that (e.g. "It's a masyu puzzle, but please leave me alone." or "It would take too long to explain, sorry".) My point is it is not as simple as "just politely communicate your feelings, preferences/and or needs", often because doing so is impossible without violating other social constraints. (Notice how "It's a masyu puzzle, but please leave me alone" is more explicit and less polite in its "go away" -- but this is OK in this context because you've already told the person to leave you alone once. These sorts of things have to be accounted for.)
Certainly this article was a bit heavy handed in its recommendations -- in my experience, there is a spectrum of people, with a spectrum of feelings about random interactions (some of which can even change from day to day, depending on mood). Those personal boundaries should definitely be respected if tested and the stranger does not want to talk.
I have seen times when those boundaries have been crossed (particularly when alcohol is involved). It is odd the author did not go into any detail about unwanted interaction, and only focused on extra interaction which supported her hypothesis, without warning for situations which may turn uncomfortable and worse off for the stranger.
I find this particularly problematic on planes myself. If you're next to a "talker" for 8+ hours who doesn't get the hint, it can be really annoying. You can usually escape it by going to sleep (or pretending), but good luck trying to read a book or work on your computer without fielding questions about what you're doing...
On shorter trips I don't really mind, either we'll have an interesting conversation or not, then if it gets awkward I'll get off soon anyway.
I think it's okay to first be or painfully obvious, as in, "excuse me I'm trying to read / work here, can you please stop talking to me", and later to either become rude ("stfu!11one"), or mature and request to be reseated if possible.
Because getting the hint is an art, and few have the empathy to catch hints about not wanting to talk (and/or it's assumed everyone loves to talk)
