Thinking about ownership is something that is natural for C++ programmers and will naturally affect design choices. We (C++ programmers) don't avoid shared_ptr at all costs and the primary reason for avoid it is because it muddles ownership semantics. In other words: if a magical zero-cost shared_ptr implementation appeared, we wouldn't start using it everywhere.
You can keep extolling the virtues of Java performance, but fact remains that Java doesn't see much use in areas where performance is critical. It doesn't mean Java doesn't have a use, it's just not there.
As of Java being not-performant enough: that's why Java is used as one of the most popular language for implementation of modern NoSQL databases systems. Everyone knows performance doesn't matter in databases. ;)
You can keep extolling the virtues of Java performance, but fact remains that Java doesn't see much use in areas where performance is critical. It doesn't mean Java doesn't have a use, it's just not there.