I'm having a bit of trouble writing a couple of sentences that explain why you should listen to me. I think this is partly because I'm not good at selling myself. But I've been where you are, had the same thoughts over and over, only I have a few years on you and have some life experience to offer. Like a great number of people, I have changed careers multiple times. It's not a big deal. As of right now, I've got another 40-50 years to fill up that I don't relish spending in front of a television drooling on my bib.
I told myself the same thing in my 20s. It was data structures for me, not pointers. I remember thinking, I'm just not smart enough to write code. Man, no lie... I'm slow and these concepts are tough. What's different now is that I know a number of people who are willing to take time out of their busy days and explain stuff to me when I get stuck. Very few people build things alone. Even using a language to build a thing of value is going to leverage libraries and packages that someone else wrote.
If you feel like a loser and a loner, this tells me that you somehow feel isolated and that you don't feel like you have a peer group of like-minded people to associate with. For me, the internet has helped tremendously in this way. Many times you cannot talk to someone candidly in person, but you can do this online. The fix for this (which you seem to have already discovered) is to find some way to talk to people, and talk to a lot of people, until you've talked to enough people that at least one of them sees something valuable in you.
Honestly, the words "This is my last chance get my life back on track," are melodramatic. Every day, people all over the world set different goals for themselves and learn new habits in order to meet those goals. If you are convinced you "don't have much time left," you are setting yourself up for failure. How long do you think you will live? After you turn 30, then you turn 40. Then you turn 50. And so on. How many times will you screw up in those decades? Lots. The only way to learn how to make better decisions is to make bad ones.
And to cap this inspirational response off with something totally saccharine, willpower (or discipline) is like a muscle. The more you use it, the more of it you have.
A related point about learning -- pointers, data structures, etc. -- tough concepts are tough because they're unfamiliar.
For whatever reason, some things will come easy and some won't; that does not mean you should avoid the ones that don't come easy; they are often a signal to you of some foundational skill you need, or an underlying concept you haven't really grasped yet. Don't avoid that stuff to focus on the easy things; that's like oiling the wheel that doesn't squeak.
If you want it, keep poking at it, keep circling back around and picking it up again; get familiar and comfortable with your questions, confusions, problems, and then they'll melt away.
I told myself the same thing in my 20s. It was data structures for me, not pointers. I remember thinking, I'm just not smart enough to write code. Man, no lie... I'm slow and these concepts are tough. What's different now is that I know a number of people who are willing to take time out of their busy days and explain stuff to me when I get stuck. Very few people build things alone. Even using a language to build a thing of value is going to leverage libraries and packages that someone else wrote.
If you feel like a loser and a loner, this tells me that you somehow feel isolated and that you don't feel like you have a peer group of like-minded people to associate with. For me, the internet has helped tremendously in this way. Many times you cannot talk to someone candidly in person, but you can do this online. The fix for this (which you seem to have already discovered) is to find some way to talk to people, and talk to a lot of people, until you've talked to enough people that at least one of them sees something valuable in you.
Honestly, the words "This is my last chance get my life back on track," are melodramatic. Every day, people all over the world set different goals for themselves and learn new habits in order to meet those goals. If you are convinced you "don't have much time left," you are setting yourself up for failure. How long do you think you will live? After you turn 30, then you turn 40. Then you turn 50. And so on. How many times will you screw up in those decades? Lots. The only way to learn how to make better decisions is to make bad ones.
And to cap this inspirational response off with something totally saccharine, willpower (or discipline) is like a muscle. The more you use it, the more of it you have.
Viel gluck!