You seem to view yourself and your life as a failure, as a "loser", and think you have a long-term record of failures.
Such an ingrained self-image is not going to be magically changed by any advice from a web forum or self-help book. Even were you to find what you consider "success" (which is most likely merely monetary), I doubt it would really make much of an impact in the long run. Take a look at the countless lottery winners who wound up miserable or worse, or the startup founder suicides that have been in the news lately. Wealth and "success" did not solve their problems in the long run.
If you are really serious about changing your life, I strongly recommend taking up therapy with a therapist you respect and trust, and be prepared and committed to doing a lot of hard work on yourself, with their help.
Though CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)[1] and other short-term, "evidence based"[2] therapies are very popular and nearly the only kind insurance companies want to pay for these days, I personally look at them as a superficial bandaids[3][4], and antidepressants as emergency tourniquetes at best.[5] My own inclination is towards something like Logotherapy[6] (which focuses on helping you to find meaning in your life), Jungian[7], Transpersonal[8] and Humanistic[9] therapies.. so that's where I'd personally steer you to.
But whatever therapy you pick, it's most important to find a therapist you respect and trust. If you can't respect and open up to your therapist, or if you can't commit to lots of often painful hard work with them (because looking deeply and honestly in to yourself is often painful and difficult), your time spent in therapy will be wasted. Try as many therapists as you need to to find a good one.
What helped me was the realization that depression is only a hallucination triggered by the brain, after that realization there was nothing left to feed that depression and it deflated.
Exactly, rationalization is one of the most effective and powerful technics in fighting all kinds of phobias, neurosis, panic attacks, etc. Once you know what is really going on, why do you feel that way and what is causing it, it's instantly much easier to deal with the problem.
Such an ingrained self-image is not going to be magically changed by any advice from a web forum or self-help book. Even were you to find what you consider "success" (which is most likely merely monetary), I doubt it would really make much of an impact in the long run. Take a look at the countless lottery winners who wound up miserable or worse, or the startup founder suicides that have been in the news lately. Wealth and "success" did not solve their problems in the long run.
If you are really serious about changing your life, I strongly recommend taking up therapy with a therapist you respect and trust, and be prepared and committed to doing a lot of hard work on yourself, with their help.
Though CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)[1] and other short-term, "evidence based"[2] therapies are very popular and nearly the only kind insurance companies want to pay for these days, I personally look at them as a superficial bandaids[3][4], and antidepressants as emergency tourniquetes at best.[5] My own inclination is towards something like Logotherapy[6] (which focuses on helping you to find meaning in your life), Jungian[7], Transpersonal[8] and Humanistic[9] therapies.. so that's where I'd personally steer you to.
But whatever therapy you pick, it's most important to find a therapist you respect and trust. If you can't respect and open up to your therapist, or if you can't commit to lots of often painful hard work with them (because looking deeply and honestly in to yourself is often painful and difficult), your time spent in therapy will be wasted. Try as many therapists as you need to to find a good one.
[1] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy
[2] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_medicine
[3] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_medicine#Limita...
[4] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_medicine#In_psy...
[5] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antidepressant#Controversy
[6] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logotherapy
[7] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analytical_psychology
[8] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transpersonal_psychology
[9] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanistic_psychology