I am not a dealer. As the OP said, I have a gigantic drug habit.
I suspect that, like many HN readers, I am a young guy who works in technology and makes more money than is good for him. I am single and unattached, so I've got plenty of disposable income. And I seem to be good (so far) at remaining a stable, productive employee despite my habit.
This story typically doesn't have a very nice ending. Maybe you're just having some fun, and will be able to shrug it off some day. I hope so. But if you find yourself trying to quit, and unable to, try to find some help.
Sometimes it takes a lot of tries, with lots of different kinds of help from lots of different kinds of folks.
The operational words, though, as you perhaps realize, are so far. While I'm not a fan of the nanny state, if you're taking fifty grand a year of illegal drugs, it's highly likely that in a few years you'll look back at this moment and wish you had taken a different path while you still had time and resources, before everything went to hell. You won't have the option, at that stage, of rewinding time, but you do have the option of doing something different right now.
Why not spend even one evening thinking it over, maybe talking about it with someone you trust, see what your options are? You are obviously smart and determined, and a drug habit doesn't have to be unavoidable fate.
