I've been aware of this almost my entire life. My group of friends has never fallen into this trap. When we ask each other, "how are you", and things aren't going well, we expect an appropriate response. When we can tell that things aren't going well, we'll dig deeper, we'll try to get each other to say whats wrong.
When I am in a grocery store, I know the cashier doesn't give a rats ass about how my day went. I know they simply want me gone as fast as possible with as little fuss as possible. I've learned to answer "good" and to say "thank you" all in an effort to smooth things over so I can get out of there quickly. Business relationships are conducted with professionalism and respect, delicately crafted to avoid emotion or conflicts of interest.
But when I write things on my blog, I tell people when things aren't going ok. I talk about everyone and everything I have issues with. I talk about everything that's wrong with everything else. Twitter knows when I'm depressed. Facebook knows when I'm having a bad day. When I'm out talking with my friends, there is no bullshit, and no talking about the weather. When I end up not talking to someone for months, or even years, I still consider them my friend. I make friends with people because of who they are, not because of what they say.
As Micah here points out, just because certain extroverts insist that something is "normal" does not make it correct.
> When I am in a grocery store, I know the cashier doesn't give a rats ass about how my day went. I know they simply want me gone as fast as possible with as little fuss as possible. I've learned to answer "good" and to say "thank you" all in an effort to smooth things over so I can get out of there quickly.
I've learned to dwell on these moments and make the experience as pleasant as possible for the other person. I don't chat them up; I focus my attention, bring an earnest sincerity to the fore, and express my gratitude and hope that they'll have a good day. It doesn't take any longer than anyone else, and it's a small gesture that acknowledges their existence as more than just a tool for my shopping habit without getting in their way.
Totally. It makes my day better to be nice to others and have them light up a smile in return. It isn't all about what I feel, but a small gesture makes us both feel better.
Hearing "How are you?" at a grocery store or a fast food place was a kind of culture shock for me when I visited the USA from Europe. I did not know how to answer either, you have to be accustomed to it to find it normal, when a simple "Hi, may I help you" would work
It's a little weird at first, but I like it. I'm from Switzerland and I've lived all over the world before settling here in San Francisco. A simple exchange of "Hi, how are you today?"—"Great, thanks, how are you?" and a smile before you order your latte makes life a lot more pleasant. I definitely miss it when I travel now.
When I am in a grocery store, I know the cashier doesn't give a rats ass about how my day went. I know they simply want me gone as fast as possible with as little fuss as possible. I've learned to answer "good" and to say "thank you" all in an effort to smooth things over so I can get out of there quickly. Business relationships are conducted with professionalism and respect, delicately crafted to avoid emotion or conflicts of interest.
But when I write things on my blog, I tell people when things aren't going ok. I talk about everyone and everything I have issues with. I talk about everything that's wrong with everything else. Twitter knows when I'm depressed. Facebook knows when I'm having a bad day. When I'm out talking with my friends, there is no bullshit, and no talking about the weather. When I end up not talking to someone for months, or even years, I still consider them my friend. I make friends with people because of who they are, not because of what they say.
As Micah here points out, just because certain extroverts insist that something is "normal" does not make it correct.