> They are in a top ranked EECS program, think (Stanford, Berkeley, MIT, Cornell, CMU...) (getting a 3.0, and their parents still are upset about it)
All due respect, I too would black my mind out and escape and just want to play video games with my friends if I was from that kind of household/level of pressure/expectation.
I was equally gaming obsessed at around the same age. For me it was world of Warcraft. My parents were also concerned, but they showed interest in what I was doing and I explained it to them. When they realized I was leading of raiding Guild of over 50 people, and a good chunk of the time was actually me managing people, including resolving conflicts and all sorts of administrative tasks, they weren't nearly as concerned.
Depending on what game your son is playing (I've heard of Roblox but I'm not familiar with it), and how they're playing it, it very well may be that your son is developing some very valuable skills. It might not be managing people, but it might be creative problem solving, setting goals and working towards them, etc.
It sounds also like your son is a bit obsessive, and clearly very intelligent if he's able to achieve the grades he has while devoting so much time to a game.
I was this way too.
By the time I was 23 years old I tapped into some self motivation and desire for more financial freedom and became an entrepreneur. Through the rest of my 20 isn't into my early 30s that obsessive attention shifted from gaming and into my business. I didn't make millions of dollars but that type of focused effort led me to develop many valuable skills. I ended up selling my business for a small sum and now I make good money consulting on my own terms.
Frankly I think the most constructive thing you could do is just show an interest in what your son is doing in his game. In order for this to be constructive you have to reserve judgment. Don't hope for any specific answer just be curious and empathetic. Rather than reading about "gaming disorders" read about Roblox, maybe even try playing it a bit yourself, and try to really understand what it is your son is doing and why.
There are many paths to success. Almost no one follows exactly the path they set out for themselves in their youth, and most of those who do have mental health issues.
Assuming you want your son to be content and successful, support them in finding their own way, even if you don't fully understand it.
When I was 17 I had a career counsellor lecture me on there being no future in computers, and that instead I should become a carpenter or electrician, etc.
You don't know what the world will be like in 10 years or what skills your son will need to navigate it. You don't even know if college is what's best for him (even if you think you do).
So let go, let him make mistakes and figure it out for himself. He's clearly smart enough. He just needs you to be there for him and believe in him. Make sure he knows you love him unconditionally.
Dude your kid is fine. He’s going to a top tier college for his program and making a B average after his first year. Maybe he’s playing too much Roblox? Is he happy, healthy? Does he have a social life? If so, not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I don’t even check the GPA of new grads I hire.
Edit: If it’s any consolation, I did know people who were truly addicted to gaming in college. They couldn’t manage their time and were on academic probation by the end of freshman year. Slept through multiple finals because they were up late playing league of legends. Never got any internships. Your kid doesn’t sound like the people I knew who really couldn’t manage their time. Also, Freshman year is generally academically the rockiest. A 3.0 is fine. The kids I knew who really couldn’t cut it were failing by the end of their first semester. And this is at a far less competitive program than where your kid is at.
It is also possible that the son may not really like CS as a subject and is using gaming to cope. I struggled to get above 3.0 in CS at a non-top school for CS but when I switched to a subject I liked (Economics) I was able to get almost straight As in undergrad, work as a RA in my last year, and get into a top 20 PhD program and succeed in that program.
Socialization is great, but too much socialization can be bad, too.
I didn't have enough alone time as a kid. I cannot exist alone.
I was always connected to the internet, so I would always be talking or interacting with someone. Always. I seemingly was not able to develop basic things that my brain should be able to do when alone, because I did not spend any time alone in order to develop them.
Now I can't do anything on my own unless I make it into a social thing. Some things by their very nature cannot be social things; I simply cannot do those things.
For example, I can't imagine things to myself. I can imagine things to describe to someone else, but I can't imagine things to myself. I can't entertain myself, either. Even watching videos or media, I have to also be talking to someone at the same time or I just get bored.
My only fulfillment comes from people. My happiness comes from making other people happy. My entertainment comes from entertaining other people. My imagination comes from depicting things to other people. My identity comes from showing other people.
But to myself, without anyone else, I do not exist.
Eh. There is a hole in me where "creativity" would normally be, because I would always just tell it to people instead of actually depicting it anywhere. As a result, it only really exists to be told to other people now.
Not sure if I'd call that "well-socialized" or "codependent". (although I guess codependence is usually on a specific other person rather than just people in general...)
> What do you mean by “not great” grades? Failing, or not 4.0?
3.0
> especially since this doesn’t even seem like a major crises..
Concern is that is this a symptom of another issue or can it develop into something else. I'm just looking for help/advise/suggestions/...
> you might be a helicopter parent though
Am I concerned, yes. Are we helicopter parents, don't think so.