The surprise has come because what they are thinking is, in fact that expressions of joy make them respect you less. They hide it, but only for so long.
You don’t get to express joy to family or friends or partners. They will have less respect for you.
You do not get to be an adult man and feel joy about anything. You certainly don’t get to express it.
I’m sorry your friends and family look down on you for expressing joy.
If I was guessing, they don’t actually disrespect you less. They are actually jealous, but don’t feel comfortable expressing their own joy, so they take it out on you, to pull you back down. They probably aren’t even aware that’s why they are doing it.
But that’s a problem with them, not you. You aren’t responsible for their emotional disregulation. It’s your job to take care of you, before you help others. Put on your oxygen mask first, yeah?
It’s a sad life to be rigidly beholden to only express emotions in ways that you imagine others would approve of.
If you care about the person or have the time, then it is good to at least consider their views and feelings (which are often different than what we imagine them to be — you can only find out if you go to the source of truth and ask them. This might sound scary but in a healthy relationship it’s okay to talk about this stuff), but you don’t have to be beholden to them.
And, of course, it should go without saying that doesn’t mean you should completely ignore the current circumstances. E.g. If you are at a funeral, you should tread more lightly, obviously. Every situation is unique, and you have to use your judgment.
It’s ok to do things other people don’t like, as long as you aren’t a jerk about it. Live authentically and listen to your inner voice. Do so with kindness, wisdom, and courage. You might be surprised by the positive reactions you get from others.
Good luck to you.
P.S. This is so important I have to say it twice. Everyone has issues and will project those issues in the way the interact with the world around them. It's not our job to cater to the issues of others. It's our job to take care of ourselves and live honestly and authentically. Sure, we make compromises for those that we love, but we want to do so because of that love, not because we are afraid of what they might be thinking.
That makes for a very lonely life.
> surprised to find
The surprise has come because what they are thinking is, in fact that expressions of joy make them respect you less. They hide it, but only for so long.
You don’t get to express joy to family or friends or partners. They will have less respect for you.
You do not get to be an adult man and feel joy about anything. You certainly don’t get to express it.