I keep telling my kids that a vastly overlooked trick to success is going to bed earlier and getting more sleep. That and gratitude (which is why our family has evening rituals around this).
It was so hard for me to actually do that as a kid. You basically wake up, off to school, off to extracurricular, off to dinner, off to homework, and off to bed if you want a chance at 8 hours of sleep. Five days a week of that and your parents probably fill up your weekends for you. Oh and I worked in high school so that was shoehorned in somehow.
Staying up late cutting into sleep time was the only time of day I actually had any agency. College in contrast was amazing for sleep. No one pestering me out of rem because I was allowed to sleep in until my body said I had enough for the first time in my life. Even now after college I rarely get the luxury to sleep in anymore, and I mean really sleep in like until almost noon.
I get why parents make kids do extracurriculars (US college admissions arms race), and I get that school starts very early in the US (7:30 IIRC), and I get that some kids just have to work to bring in more money.
But not allowing your kids to sleep in on weekends ever is just crazy and seems unnecessary.
To be fair there ware plenty of unavoidable things to do or even things I wanted to do. But still all of that is incompatible with sleeping until noon which I could easily do with the work week deprivation, since you then need time to get ready to leave the house, and not everything you do on weekends starts in the late afternoon.
Similar problem for working parents, ever minute is spoken for. When everyone is asleep, the dishes are done, and you are alone it’s finally time to yourself. I like the phrase of having “agency” — that really captures the urge.
Too many extracurriculars / “overshcheduling” is an easy trap for people of all ages. So easy to sacrifice sleep because there is always something more fun or productive (short term) to do! Before our youngest was born I was just taking care of our boys when they weren’t in school and even with a schoolday’s worth of discretionary time, I still stayed up too late on the computer and didn’t get enough sleep. With the new baby, things reached a tipping point and I am now trying to make sleep a priority.. so far I am learning that yes it does feel bad “sacrificing” things for sleep, but I do feel better overall when more rested so how important were those things after all? This is especially counter intuitive when I’d defer sleep for “self soothing” activities but then being chronically under-slept was the leading cause of needing soothing!! Anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk.
One fact about teenagers is that their circadian rhythms are shifted compared to adults and younger kids: their bodies will fight to fall asleep later and wake up later.
The worst part of my teenage years was having parents who believed this. It’s as silly as saying, “just calm down.”
I’d of loved to have been physiologically capable, as a teenager, of going to bed early and getting up early, especially in a northern climate where the sun is up at 9pm.
Honest question: why do you think gratitude is a trick for success? I can understand for happiness, but don't you think gratitude is often at conflict with the inner drive needed for success?
I find gratitude to be helpful for success because when I'm grateful for what I already have, I feel successful and it primes me to do more, you know success begets success and all that
Fyi I was homeless 4 years ago and just bought my first house in 2022 so I guess I'm a pretty big believer in re-programming myself:)
This[0] study might have some pointers in the discussion section.
[0] Grateful students are motivated, engaged, and successful in school: Cross-sectional, longitudinal, and experimental evidence, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30340699/
No, I'd argue they're orthogonal. A purely self made man or woman is a rarity these days. Showing gratitude is a low cost way to strengthen your support network.
