My all-time favorite flippant description of a programming language: someone once described Java as "a domain-specific language for converting XML files to stack traces."
Surely we can be more flippant than that. There are three-ish types of languages:
C, Assembly: begrudging respect, they are ok for writing kernels (operating system and compute, respectively).
FORTRAN: the point of computers is to do math, why do you need any other language than the language for FORmula TRANslation?
Other languages: Bad.
Honorable mention: Matlab/Octave or Numpy because I can’t be arsed to use a proper language while prototyping. But you can also use them in REPL mode so really they are halfway between a programming language and a UI.
Swift would be the one ring to rule them all, from assembly builtin's to ORM's, running from 32-bit controllers and secure enclave to automatic differentiation on internet-scale fp16 models... if it weren't for Xcode...