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I'd like to share my experience. I've lost 50lbs twice in the past decade and I'm currently losing them again. Hopefully the third time is a charm.

What's different now is that I've done a lot of self-reflection. I now realize I have an eating disorder driven by a dopamine response to tasty foods, but unlike other people, my inner thoughts are similar to addicts, I presume, where my brain is deciding to binge the food that triggered that reward until I get stomach pains, which then nullifies the dopamine reward, so only then I stop eating. I've also learned the signal I get when I've had enough to eat and learned to not ignore it.

I've also realized that I stress eat, and particularly when I'm feeling down, probably to try to get temporary feelings of happiness as self-medication.

Losing weight is fairly straightforward once you get the hang of it, but keeping it off is less so. That's the most difficult aspect to manage about my life: to try to avoid excessive stress and general periods of unhappiness, so that I don't start using food as a source of dopamine, but since a lot of stressors are external, I feel like they're outside of my control, so my general strategy as of late has been to replace the source of dopamine to not be food related.

For example, exercising not only helps with losing weight, but it also curbs my appetite so I can fast during lunch without exercising much will power. More vigorous exercise induces runner's high, so it benefits both the efforts of losing the weight and the attempt to switch sources of feeling good.

Lastly getting satisfaction from shipping code is a productive replacement for the satisfaction I get from eating foods. That one is more tough to implement because eating provides immediate gratification, while shipping projects is a long endeavor usually. To counter that, I set bite-sized (ha) coding/learning goals for myself that I can complete fairly fast. That keeps my mood up for a bit.

Hopefully my experience will encourage others to reflect on their own reasons for gaining weight and try to address the root cause, not just the side-effect of increased weight.




> my inner thoughts are similar to addicts

This has been my realization as well. I've never experienced quitting smoking or drugs, so can't compare, but sugar withdrawals hit me HARD — it really made me reflect a lot.

From what I've read, recovering heroin addicts never really "recover", they just consciously don't consume heroin. I now see overeating the same way, there's no "cure", there's lifelong maintenance.

For me personally, eventually, carnivore diet has been a revelation and the only routine I can keep up without expending constant mental effort. It's impossible to overeat, and you feel amazing. As a result, you feel like shit on cheat days, so even though I still get to indulge in carbs from time to time, I don't feel the urge to continue eating them.


Great points.

> to try to avoid excessive stress and general periods of unhappiness

This of course easier said than done, but that has been my experience as well.

Trying to lose fat, even in small amounts, was just a lost cause when everything else in my daily life is just stress upon stress, no time to cook, and the body always in emergency mode. And it made me really pissed at the "just meditate" or "just eat less and exercise more" crowd...it must work for some, but that's no magical advice.

Losing a measly 5% of fat only happened after rethinking my life, changing job, and basically our daily life as a whole family.


Seems to the only thing you need to change is to start doing some real sports(TM) instead of stuff you do just to lose weight. I mean sports that you will feel very bad for skipping, and stuff you can actually engage in few times a week. I'd recommend climbing for example (that's a serious gateway to permanent improvement of lifestyle for everybody I know including me, but its not panacea so other stuff may work for ya). That's a great way and first step to completely change yourself.

That's the core of most weight loss - if you want permanent results, you need to do permanent change in your habits, no way to hack around this simple fact of life (if you don't count pussies like Musk lacking any serious impulse control who eat copious amount of diabetes medications because... that really seems like a great idea along term, just ask any senior doctor in private).


Unfortunately I have to disagree. I started going to the gym 6 times per week in august 2023, my muscles are in way better shape than before, my heart is great, but the biggest weight loss was still at the beginning from diet.

It's a pain. I religiously go and alternate 3 HIIT sessions (shadow boxing/stationary bike) of 30 minutes, with strength training of 60 minutes (push, pull, legs). The very rare times I skip have been when my legs are overly tired (boxing, bike, legs + 40 minutes walking 5 days per week it's a lot for muscles). And yet, I'm struggling to lose the remaining weight. My hunger has increased with all the muscles, I am able not to gain weight only because I eat healthy, but the amount I eat increases. I can power through with will and a lot of water, but it's really hard.

I thought I would solve with sport but I didn't. I'm in good shape, but I have more weight to lose, it's annoying.


Have you had your T levels checked? And done bloodwork to check nutrient levels?

Low T can definitely limit the ability to be lean.

Other factors - over training (6 times a week would be pushing it for me years ago, today is 3-4 max). Poor sleep. Poor diet (carbs, crappy over processed foods).

Many many individual factors to consider. It's truly hard to generalize these things.


Yeah, which is also why it's hard to find any suggestions. No I haven't had any bloodwork done related to nutrient levels, since I was always able to lose weight.

6 times per week is a lot, but it's the only way I managed to maintain consistency. As twisted as it sounds, it's way easier to go to the gym if I know I have to go every day rather than say "oh I'll anticipate the rest day to today" (and then I won't go the next day either). On Sunday, when I rest, I feel zero guilt, my body is exhausted and I know I NEED that day. Sometimes if I feel too tired I take an additional day, either Monday or Wednesday, depending when I discover my body can't handle anything else.

Poor sleep could be an option, hard to say. I have two children, sometimes I feel rested, but sometimes I don't sleep enough, in which case I'm hungry all day. The diet is good, we are originally from Italy, so we cook all our meals. My wife is really good at cooking, that sometimes is a disadvantage too.


A good diet should be 60% of the efforts you put into your weight loss. the other 40% should be put into sport. My source? My dietetician.


I find if I am running frequently, the alternative source of feel-good chemicals makes bad food less attractive. I find this a little surprising as I would have thought I would crave bad food more.

The only time I have been a normal weight has been when I am running and the exercise / less-craving combo worked well … while I kept the habit.


My relationship with food seems to mirror yours. You have some good advice on how to deal with it.


> exercising not only helps with losing weight

Running and exercising are not efficient ways to lose weight despite what the fitness and wellness industries would have you believe. And ironically the more overweight you are the less efficient it is. Great way to fuck up your joints or waste countless hours sifting through bro science and researching equipment you don't need.

It is great for keeping the weight off and enjoying life once you hit a certain point but should not be a chore as will power is finite and precious and at first you're spending it all on eating clean and walking and that is guaranteed to be enough over a long enough period.

Push too hard and you'll stall. just be patient and extremely consistent instead.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hacker's_Diet

If you can go for a walk for 1-2 hours a day, just simply walk your way out of the problem. And if you "can't afford" to walk for 1 hour every day your life is already in shambles and you're not in a position to make other changes before you sort this out.

Eat clean. Walk. Be consistent. Be patient as it will take more than a year, the time delayed reward is the very crux of the matter. And don't stress, laugh more!

Laughter is the best medicine buddy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5AixBKy7b4

Highly recommend watching Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia for Macs trajectory. The actor went from skinny to obese and back for a joke.

Very best of luck.


I find that exercising in water basically nullifies all those joint stresses you mention. Swim or water gymnastics. The main issue with swimming that comes to mind is with shoulders because it uses a lot of rotations.

> Eat clean. Walk. Be consistent.

That is basically it, wellness must be approached on many different angles. I'd also add sleep better, drink the required amount of water, refrain from using screens past a couple of hours before going to bed. But also, if anyone is clinically overweight, in which case is it a medical issue, to rely on professionals for help. Psychologist/psychiatrist to manage anxiety, doctors to help identify and treat hormonal related imbalances, instructors to help you execute physical activities without injuring yourself, a down to earth nutritionist (not some random influencer on the web with over 20k followers) to help you eat consistently.

I do realise that it is a lot to take in at once, but the thing is you can't do it at once. Start at some place, I'd recommend talking to a psychologist to come up with a plan that is tailored to your specific needs and habits. And then lean on the routine consistently and try to find comfort in the fact that you are in the process of getting better, effectively changing your relationship with everything you interact that gives you that dopamine boost.


> I do realise that it is a lot to take in at once,

Job #1: Shed the cognitive load. Feeling overwhelmed is why people despair and never get started.

You don't strictly need a psychologist or a psychiatrist (goodness gracious!) or a team of professionals for help. Not even a nutritionist. Stop reading about hormonal imbalances.

You don't need a complicated plan to start. Go. For. A. Long. Walk. Everyday. For. A. Year. It. Works.

That's the easiest most minimal change a person can make. No equipment, no plan, no procrastinating. That and switching to only drinking water and black coffee with no sugar.

Those two things are guaranteed to be enough to start the weight trending in the right direction and yet most people can't adhere to them consistently so anything more complicated is irrelevant.

You can always add more stuff on top later. To increase the likelihood of permanent adherence it is best to find the smallest most minimal actionable change and make it automatic so it doesn't cost you willpower.

As for exercising in water vs walking vs running vs anything - humans move incredibly efficiently in water and proper running technique is economical. You can walk for 2 hours or sprint for 10 minutes or run 5k in 30 minutes or splash around, the end result is the same.

You don't need experts or internet strangers, collect data on yourself experimentally:

Eat the exact same portioned meals every day and switch up these activities every two weeks to compare how many calories per minute you burn doing that particular thing your particular way.


> You don't strictly need a psychologist or a psychiatrist (goodness gracious!) or a team of professionals for help. Not even a nutritionist.

Maybe. Only a competent professional can tell you that. How could you otherwise tell if you need it or not? Yeah maybe someone healthy that wants to get a little healthier, but my entire argument was centered around people that are clinically obese. And even if you are apparently healthy, you would be surprised how bad the average American eat without realising it.

And an ethical psychiatrist can help alleviate the inevitable anxiety that comes from changing diet. Maybe people can hold a strict diet for a couple of months, but without getting their anxiety in check they can very easily slip back into old habits.

I mean, if I was talking about people with severe drug addiction I bet nobody would bat an eye about recommending specialists, so why do we treat eating disorders differently, when it is shown they mess with the same types of reward systems in the brain?


How about we split the difference and agree that you can go in search of any type of professional help so long as you park far away and walk 10k steps from your car to their office?

Note the word strictly. You don't strictly need them to walk and they can't do the walking for you. The walking can only help. It costs nothing, requires no equipment, nor planning.

I am saying that this is the easiest and most straightforward change anybody can implement, the best bang for the buck. A no brainer. Something you already know you should do. Now. Today. The pushback is about that. Don't condition walking on finding the perfect X first. Hope that is super clear.


For other readers: disregard the FUD above regarding running and exercising. Exercising generally curbs hunger, boosts mood and helps solidify adherence to good eating habits. It won't fuck up your joints if you very gradually increase your total exercising volume. For instance, start alternatively walking and running for half an hour three times a week (never getting winded in the process, stop running and start walking every time you start breathing hard), and from there add ten minutes of exercise per week. You'll do fine.


I find that exercise increases my hunger. I exercise quite a bit (5-8 hours per week) and it makes me eat more, not less. And I find that I need to channel this into food that meets my macros rather than junk, but if I don’t plan, I’ll end up with empty calories.

It surprises me to hear that people don’t get hungry when exercising and how energy expenditure curbs hunger for some people. I wish it worked like this for me.


I'm in the same boat in that I get hungry when I exercise, however I also seem to crave healthier foods when I do. For whatever reason, that protein + salad that wouldn't satisfy me prior to excercising perfectly hits the spot when I do. I have to guess there's a whole lot of biological signals + psychology happening there.


It is my opinion not FUD, I clearly mean well, and you read a lot of non existent negativity into my post and didn't understand the points made as written - the overall guiding principle should be whatever works for a particular individual.

> It won't fuck up your joints if you very gradually increase your total exercising volume.

Congratulations on more or less paraphrasing my point.

Somebody who is a couch potato who takes Nike commercials overly seriously is not unlikely to push too hard and injure themselves - extremely common for beginners. We are saying the same thing. Ease into it.

By developing the walking habit first you've also carved out time for such things, the most important thing is consistency.

Even minimal but consistent effort is better than going for a few runs here and there and not forming a routine around it.


I don't doubt you mean well, but you still spread FUD, right off the bat. And went on to give ok advice, I'll give you that, but still. You start off with "running/exercising is inefficient and will fuck up your joints", I'm saying do a run-walk-run and know that exercise helps adherence to a good diet. What do you think is the better advice?


A 1 hour walk is exercise, especially for someone too heavy to safely run.


Great. Call it what you will. The point is to find a maintainable cadence and avoid injury, you're not competing against anybody.

Whoever is reading this: You can get started with walking immediately, right now. Step away from the computer. Or you can get caught up endlessly debating which way is best and never actually get going.

I lift weights and run and highly recommend it for people who can find joy in it. It is strictly not necessary to do any of that to get started with losing weight.


Have some basic respect. You are reading this. Maybe other people reading this are also fully developed adults that don’t need your condescending instructions. And if you don’t want to be in a debate about “which is better” then don’t come in and rant that other people are giving poor advice.


I think you misread what I wrote. No disrespect meant, good luck to you.


> if you "can't afford" to walk for 1 hour every day your life is already in shambles

This “walk an hour a day” advice risks being in the “check your privilege” category. Also risks ensuring most people simply can't or won't take that advice.

For both health and weight, metabolism and heart matter. And there are reasonably effective approaches for those besides the standard jogging / running / biking / walking endurance tips.

One way I like, annoying because it's hard, while paradoxically easier as it requires willpower instead of time, is high intensity interval training or Tabata intervals.*

Both metabolism and heart health can be revved up with high intensity interval training (“HIIT”) in as little as 8 minutes 3 times a week (about 4 mins spent in anaerobic or about 4 periods of 30 seconds in VO2 Max range), ideally coupled with a few ‘repetitions’ of lifting weights.

After about six weeks of sufficient intensity, your body seems to decide you are going to keep demanding things from it. Heart feels less taxed, breaking out in sweat takes longer, you stop being out of breath as quickly, and weight starts to shed. After you maintain this a couple quarters, your body finds a new fitness equilibrium and even if you stop exercising, it stays ready for demand for another six months to a year.

There are other approaches as well besides this one. HIIT isn't for everyone, some people feel nausea at the intensity and are unable to make themselves exert enough to push the heart rate where it needs to be.

So-called “Blue Zone” longevity studies have shown one factor in common across several zones is steep hills and walking. Hill climbing (or stairs) several times a day on a daily basis won't necessarily push to VO2 Max but does seem to encourage similar system adaptations with similar long term health benefits.

It's a lot easier to spend 10 mins three times a week than an hour every day, so accessible it's almost embarrassing to not do it.

* WARNING: If you're not already fit, do not try this without talking to your doctor. And fit or not, don't do HIIT without a real time heart monitor with chest strap, about ~$30 for a Bluetooth ANT+ strap like this: https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R3A1EODO9M3B1/ ...


> It's a lot easier to spend 10 mins three times a week than an hour every day, so accessible it's almost embarrassing to not do it.

Indeed you can tradeoff time for intensity if you are so inclined and in fact what you describe is more optimal. I wrote this very thing in another comment.

Whatever works. Whatever the person is willing to actually do and stick to. Whether or not it is easier depends on the individual and where they are at, first you got to get an overweight beginner to do literally anything at all.


A lot of interesting claims here. Any references?


More than a few, but caveat emptor as most studies aren't for a long enough period, for enough participants, or for anyone between elite Olympic athletes and the morbidly obese. "Tabata" is a good keyword to use though.

On the other hand, who needs a study. Just start weighing yourself, then try a few minutes of HIIT a few times a week for 3 months. If it works, keep going. If it doesn't, just do more minutes more times a week of some other exercise.

Other than having a heart attack, what is there to lose?


Well if you have any favorites, I'd love to see them. I'm very interested in the research in this topic, and you're making bold claims that I haven't seen well supported in literature, but I've been less on top of the field over the last decade or so.


Building a strength training habit in particular is useful in this context (and many others) because if you do start gaining weight again, you'll end up gaining muscular tissue which is more metabolically active and beneficial in many other ways.


What about lack of sleep? When I don't sleep enough, I go on a hunger frenzy and there is nothing I can do about it. It helps eating veggies, but I just keep eating




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