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I often recall the Robin Williams quote:

>“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”

I consider myself funny and am always joking around. However, I never felt such strong association with comedians until after both of my parents passed in difficult fashions. I felt such a strong need to be funny, like it was my only good personality trait. I eventually took a standup class. I enjoyed getting on stage and working up to my 5 min set. I still write jokes and go to open mics every now and then.

The two takeaways I have are:

* the practice of writing everyday was key. Having to articulate what was actually upsetting me—instead of just saying "I hate this or that"—to find what was funny or absurd about it really helped me release a lot of the pent up anger.

* like the quote, making other people laugh was/is so rewarding both for my own self-esteem and for knowing that I brought a little joy to others




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