I’m facing a dilemma. How do I find a job I could love for the rest of my life? One that keeps me interested, fulfilled, happy, content. Or, alternatively, what can I do to make money that will let me be me on my own time. Its come to the time in my life when I need to take a sincere look at where my life is heading, and how I plan on living it. Some people call it growing up.
I’ve been slowly on a mission to discover things about myself. Why I don’t like certain things, what things I really love. The only problem is, the result doesn’t provide a clear solution to the problem of what I should try doing with my life.
The things I’ve discovered:
I love learning. It goes beyond mere excitement and borders on a psychological need. Maybe that is the wrong word, it is a need. I could go to school for the rest of my life. I ache to go back to classes, just for the idea that to sit in them would be fun. Even in my college days I hardly skipped class. I didn’t always do the homework, but I went to class anyways. I would read through my textbooks for fun. I go to the library and read books about subjects I don’t really need to know. I read in general, and I love every minute of it. I love exploring new places just to see them and eating new foods just because I wonder what its like to try them.
I would describe myself as a polymath, but that implies a certain amount of acclaimed accomplishment that goes along with the learning. Taking the time to be famous at something has never appealed to me, mostly because that time could be used to learn something new. But one of the best days in my intellectual life was finding the definition of that word, because it meant I was not alone in the world and that other people were like me.
I love thinking through problems. It’s the one thing I’m not humble about, I’m good at it. Thinking excites me, and thinking through things incites me more. I originally wrote “solve problems.” But that isn’t true. I love thinking of the solutions. But once the solution is thought of, I become disinterested. It requires someone else to put the solution into effect. To build the gadget, write-up the paper, complete the process. The problem is solved in my mind, but until someone else does the work it can’t really be said to be truly solved. But the thinking, ah, the thinking. That is truly where my mind can expand, can envision. I’m definitely a vision guy. I ask way too many questions, but I’m extremely good at throwing away useless information and working out a way to solve something, to get somewhere, to chose a path that will likely work.
I hate writing. I hate it with a mix of guilt and resignation. It took me forever to find this out, but again, it was such a relief. Every time I realized I did not like what I was doing, it was this. School was a blast until the night before papers were due. Tests? Sure, love em. Studying, of course! But papers? Writing? That’s where I get bogged down. I finally figured out that it was the ONLY thing I ever procrastinated on. Why? Because deep down I don’t like it. I end up disliking the jobs I have when writing becomes heavily involved. My thoughts have already moved on, they’re going new places and solving new problems. Putting the old thoughts into writing both bores and paralyzes me.
So what should I do with my life? How do I find something that will fulfill me? I’ve thought of academics. Being in a constant learning environment would be fun. I’ve though of those idea companies, where you solve problems, but I admit to a problem with execution. They both want you to solve the problem and execute the solution. I know I’ll hate those parts. So what’s out there for me?
I have found one thing that works, and that’s to take drudgery work. I worked in a factory, and I didn’t mind it. My current occupation is a big step up, I make a ton more money, but it’s the same. You do the same thing over and over for hours. Its enough that I can play close attention to what I need to do, but at the same time a little part of my brain can be thinking through things, solving little problems, or just dreaming up big ideas. It allows me to be me and still make the money I need. By the way, it not that I’m lazy. I’ve worked my share of long hours, both in factories during school and in my current occupation. I don’t mind the long hours as long as I don’t mind the work.
Sorry this is so long. Thank you to everyone who replies.
I was like this all through school and college. I hated writing. I loved learning. I absorbed all these textbooks, aced the tests, rarely finished a project (or my homework), and hated writing.
But sometime in college, I'd made a commitment to redo the backend of a volunteer website I cared about very much. And I felt like I'd be letting all my friends down if I just gave up on it.
That first completed project was torture. I never wanted to see the code I'd written again, and wanted nothing to do with the website after I'd worked out some of the worst bugs. But the second completed project (a Netbeans plugin for my job) was easier, and third (Write Yourself a Scheme in 48 Hours) was easier still. The 4th got harder again, and I needed help to finish it, but then I did a bunch of other websites that were fairly easy.
The part of the brain that "gets things done" seems to be different from the part that's "smart". (I've heard the former called "executive function", and it often doesn't develop until your 20s.) And it's like a muscle - it gets stronger by exercising it. I've found it also gets tired like a muscle - I usually work in bursts of 1-2 weeks, and then I need a week or two where I have a light workload and am basically just learning new things. But a whole bunch of these cycles, over several years, can add up to a decent number of accomplishments.
The real hump is that first completed project. And I don't really know a way around that other than to keep coming back to it and refuse to give up.