> In retrospect the big dividing line is kids from cultures that value education and long term thinking and ones that don’t.
> The Asian parent example shows the opposite - the poorer you are the more your choices really matter - you only have a few dollars and a few hours and how you spend them really matters.
It sounds like the most important "choice" a person can make is their choice of parents.
It's important. Not quite as important as you're making it, though.
Parents (or whoever raises us) sets the "default settings" for our life. It's what we think "normal" is. But we aren't robots rolling off an assembly line. We can change those settings away from the default. This is one of the most important choices for young adults - what are you going to keep from your parents, and what are you going to change?
But yes, given a culture with set of beliefs, the majority of the next generation is going to keep those default settings as their own.
> Not quite as important as you're making it, though.
> But yes, given a culture with set of beliefs, the majority of the next generation is going to keep those default settings as their own.
That seems quite important to me.
> But we aren't robots rolling off an assembly line.
Correct. Human genetics entails that children are not exact duplicates of their parents. Even "identical" twins are not 100% identical with their siblings. However...
> We can change those settings away from the default. This is one of the most important choices for young adults - what are you going to keep from your parents, and what are you going to change?
I'd say there are two general competing theories of human behavior:
1) It's a combination of "nature" and "nurture".
2) It's a combination of "nature", "nurture", and "free will".
I don't believe in the philosophical/religious notion of free will. Thus, I don't put much ethical significance on the concept of "choice". As a practical matter, yes, some kids choose to go against the teachings of their family, friends, and community. Some people are naturally iconoclasts; you might say they're born into that role. But I don't think that makes them "better" people, just different. You can't choose your genes or environment any more than you can choose your parents. You don't choose to be born with a disability, right? Likewise, you don't choose to be born with a special ability either.
And if those don't exist, you can at least see a lot of bad examples and what not to do. I didn't have role models or examples of functional families to look up to. Lots of trial and error with the major guiding posts being "don't do what they did / don't be like them."
when i was couchsurfing i had the opportunity to observe other families at parenting and i picked up a few ideas of what i felt was good and what i thought wasn't. in particular for aspects that i didn't experience at home myself. and later also paying attention to my own kids behavior and realizing when something i didn't like was actually them copying me which eventually led to a change in my own behavior.
the biggest struggle i find is outside pressure by people telling you what you are doing wrong, but not showing you how to do it right. people that are judging but not helping.
these people also often do not understand what it means not to have family support. they can't even conceive the idea of a sibling who doesn't care about you or a parent who is absent.
and i feel that this is more often directed at poor people, as if they were responsible for being poor themselves.
> The Asian parent example shows the opposite - the poorer you are the more your choices really matter - you only have a few dollars and a few hours and how you spend them really matters.
It sounds like the most important "choice" a person can make is their choice of parents.