I’ve used the internet for nearly 40 years, and I know exactly what happens and what I was in danger of myself without someone guiding me. The point isn’t to hover over her, and I don’t monitor everything she does. But I’m aware of what she’s into and what she’s doing. That’s my job as a parent. I’m legally and morally responsible for what she does and what happens to her. That’s the burden of being a parent. The flip side is to allow her to do as pleases as long as it’s not dangerous, and I don’t interfere in her life.
What’s worse are parents who either allow their kids unfettered access to the internet, which is awash in dark patterns designed to warp and exploit children for profit, and predators seeking to exploit children for pleasure. Their kids are being psychologically manipulated to their detriment everywhere.
Likewise, the overbearing parents that control all consumption aren’t great. But worse of all is the parent who allows no access.
My job as I see it with respect to the internet is to teach my daughter how to resist the pervasive manipulation and inoculate her against meme and dark patterns now. Letting her be manipulated without guidance now is a bad idea, and letting her build no facility or competence until she’s an adult is worse.
I’d rather not do this, I agree in some sense, but it’s just not the way the world works and and parenting is often about doing what is necessary even though it’s not your preference. That includes disciplining, etc etc, and doing all the things you thought you never would do as a parent but realize why parents do it when it’s your turn.
I sympathize with your situation, and I appreciate that you're trying to be a cool parent who accepts your daughter unconditionally for who she is, but I wonder if it's even possible to know where the limits are on that, or how much she feels that way. Personally, I grew up in a really supportive family, but I still had a whole lot of hangups as a teenager that meant I didn't always want my parents to see what I was doing or looking into on the internet. Some of those private interests turned into major parts of who I am, and I don't really want to imagine the world where I had to worry about what my parents saw.
Would it have been better if I'd talked these things out with my parents? Maybe, but would I have? Or would I have just self-censored my dreams rather than face that conflict?
I guess maybe as a middle ground, maybe keep watching while she's young but pull back as she gets older?
What’s worse are parents who either allow their kids unfettered access to the internet, which is awash in dark patterns designed to warp and exploit children for profit, and predators seeking to exploit children for pleasure. Their kids are being psychologically manipulated to their detriment everywhere.
Likewise, the overbearing parents that control all consumption aren’t great. But worse of all is the parent who allows no access.
My job as I see it with respect to the internet is to teach my daughter how to resist the pervasive manipulation and inoculate her against meme and dark patterns now. Letting her be manipulated without guidance now is a bad idea, and letting her build no facility or competence until she’s an adult is worse.
I’d rather not do this, I agree in some sense, but it’s just not the way the world works and and parenting is often about doing what is necessary even though it’s not your preference. That includes disciplining, etc etc, and doing all the things you thought you never would do as a parent but realize why parents do it when it’s your turn.