We have two kids who were raised essentially screen-free until 3, then on a 1hr a week diet until 6. We worried all the time about the transition to school, and the cultural norm of allowing a lot more screen time. This was an imagined dragon - this has not been an issue at all. My oldest just got a Switch, she plays less than 1/2hr a day - then she walks away without issue. She has friends with phones and iWatches (she has neither) and her envy level is zero.
My point here is not that we’ve done anything right, or wrong, or to emulate. Instead, I say this point out the I’ve had to learn to worry about, and address, the real issues - when they become real. There are not enough hours in the day to worry about all theoretical mistakes I’m making as a a parent. I choose to focus on the actual, observable, issues we are having.
For what it’s worth - many of our neighbors have kids that play all the time on the Switch, have phones, and watch TV every car ride anywhere, and those kids are LOVELY. They aren’t screen demons - and they aren’t behind in math, reading, eating vegetables… I think it could be it doesn’t really matter as much as it gets focused on.
At any rate it matters a whole lot less than loving them, and figuring out what works for YOU and for THEM - and that’s something it took me way too long to learn.
This is such a wonderfully insightful comment. I think the bit about learning to worry only about the current issue is especially important, but the whole thing is gold.
My oldest just turned 7, and I have slowly learned that the kids do best and are happiest not when I set them up with the best possible environment or activities or rules or whatever, but when I’m consistently and actively engaged with them and considerate of their needs and perspectives as much as my own. Sometimes I worry that they might get too much screen time, but sometimes I go to wake them up and discover that they’ve snuck out of bed to quietly read together.
Address problems that need addressing as they arise, but try to remember that, on the balance, things turn out ok.
The first part you say is so spot on - fight the battles you have in front of you and ignore the potential battles everyone is yelling that are coming, those will arrive when the time comes.
And to the second, I remember reading old Wodehouse "school stories" where the teachers were complaining about the students wasting their time with worthless "book time" reading such useless works as David Copperfield. O tempora, o mores!
> I think it could be it doesn’t really matter as much as it gets focused on.
Not to downplay everything you said, because that's a great mentality to have towards technology, but regarding this point, the problem with technology is not that kids are spending too much time in front of a screen. The problem is with the content they're consuming, and the people they're exposed to online. There's a lot of potential harm from being manipulated by advertising, to seeing disturbing content like Elsagate, to getting absorbed in the vapid and obnoxious culture of influencers, to meeting someone who might actually harm them.
It's good to be pragmatic about how children use technology, as they will be surrounded by it during their lifetime, but it's also important to have strict controls, boundaries and discussions with them so that they understand the very real threats that technology enables.
Really good point. It’s not just about screen “time” - it’s about screen content. We also try and share the screen time with them as much as possible, so we can engage and discuss what we see and who they interact with.
That's really helpful, thank you. Focusing on the actual behavioural problems instead of "having x hours a week" does make sense.
Maybe I focus on this more because younger me was denied video games for many years, until I bought my own consoles/pc and got to "eat the whole cake".
younger me was never denied videogames/consoles/pc games.
I'm now an engineer with a bunch of friends and socially well adjusted. But then each child is unique and each situation is unique, most kids in my neighborhood weren't allowed outside after dark, in winter it was basically dark when we got home from school also i was an only child so didn't have any siblings to keep me entertained, that leaves a lot of time for Homework, TV, Video Games, Reading etc.
Also it rained a lot so you were stuck inside a lot. In fact when the weather was good you were desperate to get out of the house because you'd be stuck inside so often.
If i were parenting today i might have to follow a different approach to my parents but only because i might want to curate the games my kids would play personally i actually think the right video game is just as if not more valuable than books. Learning mechanics, developing strategies, reacting to changing and unfavorable circumstances, teamwork. are great life skills. I do think i learned a fair bit playing Starcraft and Counter Strike.
I'm 22 and had no restrictions, now I'm an engineer like you. I think it's worth keeping in mind that the environment you and I were in is different than today. YouTube and TikTok are designed to be so perfectly addictive, they're practically digital crack. Even adults have trouble moderating their usage - young children stand no chance.
I don't think "screen time" is the issue, it's what they're doing on it. Are they doing something creative, or are they mindlessly clicking to feed the click machine? Are they substituting playing with their friends for playing video games?
My point here is not that we’ve done anything right, or wrong, or to emulate. Instead, I say this point out the I’ve had to learn to worry about, and address, the real issues - when they become real. There are not enough hours in the day to worry about all theoretical mistakes I’m making as a a parent. I choose to focus on the actual, observable, issues we are having.
For what it’s worth - many of our neighbors have kids that play all the time on the Switch, have phones, and watch TV every car ride anywhere, and those kids are LOVELY. They aren’t screen demons - and they aren’t behind in math, reading, eating vegetables… I think it could be it doesn’t really matter as much as it gets focused on.
At any rate it matters a whole lot less than loving them, and figuring out what works for YOU and for THEM - and that’s something it took me way too long to learn.