If you keep your eyes open for it around (neurotypical) adolescents you’ll see that this is very true. Everything they do that they know is observed by others is an experiment. What happens if I say… what happens if I try… what happens if I wear…
They’re very keenly tuned in to social feedback, far more so than we may realize as adults.
IMO this is also why it’s so important as an adult to be very intentional and unambiguous when appropriate. Flat statements like “that’s rude” or “that was very kind” can be very powerful.
Also worth considering how online interactions change the game- they’re trying all the same gambits, but the kinds of feedback they get are very very different than in person.
> Flat statements like “that’s rude” or “that was very kind” can be very powerful.
Labels without understanding is kinda pointless. My friend's 5 year old has translated 'rude' to mean 'something I don't like'. Whenever he gets a timeout he calls his parents rude. It's actually pretty hilarious.
I mean yeah, real life is more complicated than an HN post, and that comment was mostly aimed at kids around 10-14 who are going through this particularly tumultuous, socially exploratory period. (As an aside, learning & applying rules without understanding sounds very developmentally appropriate for a 5 year old).
What I’m really getting at is that we don’t always point out to other adults when they’re being rude, and when we do, our goal isn’t to teach them that they’re being an ass. With kids and teens, it’s worth taking a conscious effort to reframe these kinds of interactions.
Specific language choices are also very important - eg always “that’s rude” and never “you’re rude”.
They’re very keenly tuned in to social feedback, far more so than we may realize as adults.
IMO this is also why it’s so important as an adult to be very intentional and unambiguous when appropriate. Flat statements like “that’s rude” or “that was very kind” can be very powerful.
Also worth considering how online interactions change the game- they’re trying all the same gambits, but the kinds of feedback they get are very very different than in person.