You had to ask and apparently I have nothing to better to do on a Saturday night. It's a Russell Hobbs Model 5569, it says it has a "microchip" inside. If I was to hazard a guess it's at least 25 years old (the post is 18 so sounds reasonable). It actually fits a piece of toast, even thick pieces or crumpets which a lot of modern toasters don't. It does require the toast flipping since it does one side more than the other but that's not a hardship. A single flip on about "2" does a nice golden brown.
Toasters that cannot fit crumpets should be a violation of some aspect of the UN Charter on Human Rights.
I used to also have that toaster with the "microchip." It sounded impressive at the time. Now I want to tear one open and see what sort of "microchip" it uses. A 555?
A cheap toaster these days will use a toaster ASIC rather than a general purpose microcontroller or timer. PT8A2514 [1] is one example. Another surprising type of ASICs I've come across are vape ASICS [2].
Maybe that's what I could have done with Butterfly Labs[1] Jalapeno (sic, no ñ) devices I was given, all laser-etched with "WARRANTY VOID". They could only do SHA256(SHA256(x)), and man did they put out a lot of heat. Reportedly, the chip was unusually dense and took a long time to validate. I'd have needed to alter the thermal throttling behaviour in the firmware, I suppose.
[1] Yes, the one that was seized be the FTC after some of the company officers (and a "not an officer, but functionally an officer") decided to do things that got most of them busted.
My grandmother has a toaster from 1958 that has the smoothest glide function I have ever witnessed on a toaster.
The toast doesn't pop up, it floats up, quietly. You have to pay attention to is so your toast doesn't go cold because it is so stealthy.
It broke after a few years of use way back in the day, roughly 1960 or so, as the story goes) and my granddad fixed it, losing a few screws from the toaster in the process, but it has worked for 63 years since its repair without a single fault or flaw.
I can guarantee that this is an entirely mechanical toaster, analogue only, no chips or ASICs involved, and no toaster you can get your hands on in the great wild world will toast better toast more elegantly than this one.
How long before I can buy a toaster that includes an LLM? That way I can describe the toast to it that I want, thusly:
Dear enchanting toaster, I beseech thee to weave a symphony of flavor and texture, guided by the poetic brushstrokes of my desires. Listen, oh marvelous appliance, as I unfold a tale of toast that shall stir the heart and captivate the senses.
In this culinary journey, I yearn for a slice of bread transformed into a work of edible art — a toast that embodies the very essence of ethereal romance. Picture, if you will, my slice of pristine bread within you, its delicate countenance kissed by the gentle touch of dawn's first light. Let it bask in the warmth of your toasting chamber, embracing the fiery caress that will awaken its hidden splendor.
With tender patience, allow your heat to coax forth a golden radiance upon the bread's surface, reminiscent of sun-kissed fields at twilight. Let the transformation be a gradual dance, like the opening petals of a blossoming rose, revealing a spectrum of hues that shall ignite the senses. Let the crust turn into a testament of commitment, a delicate mosaic of crispness that hints at the harmony of opposites.
But, dear toaster, I implore you to preserve the heart of the bread, the very core that holds the promise of softness and tenderness. Let it retain its supple embrace, reminiscent of a lover's touch, inviting and yielding. May its very essence exude warmth, like an embrace shared under a starlit sky, a comforting sanctuary to nourish both body and soul.
And as the toast emerges from your magical realm, dear toaster, let it carry with it a captivating aroma—an olfactory sonnet that weaves itself delicately into the air, whispering of grains toasted to perfection. Let it permeate the senses, inviting the beholder to partake in a communion of flavors, a delicate dance upon the taste buds.
Oh, wondrous toaster with an AI's soul, may you manifest this vision of toast, a masterpiece created from mere bread and heat. As I entrust my desires to your intelligence, I await with eager anticipation, ready to indulge in a moment of pure culinary enchantment.
