That’s why letting yourself/significant other sleep still angry after an argument is not such a great idea. Resolve it before sleeping or it gets swept under the rug, or as he said, adds one scar tissue, as nobody will bring it back up next morning. It will be remembered when it happens again next time
There are a lot of times when you need to let cooler heads prevail. You’re not going to get less cranky as the night progresses.
On the other hand, it took literally years to come to a compromise between my very devout wife whose had it drilled into head that you should give 10% to the church as a family or we will never have a good life and we will be damned to hell.
The argument would always come up after we made a big financial commitment and while I was still trying to dig myself out of some bad financial decisions that I made before we even met. She was fully aware of them.
But one thing it’s almost impossible to square is a disagreement between two people when it involves religion or cultural disagreements.
When someone believes their actions will lead to damnation and burning in hell for eternity, no amount of logical argument will ever dissuade them from this. Faith is by definition not based on physical reality - and that’s not meant to be demeaning.
The compromise we came to is that she does what she wants as long as she stays within the overall budget we agreed to and I give what really amounts toward a “this is the price I pay for never having to hear mention of giving again”.
While I will say that my wife has her belief system. She is what I would consider a “liberal Christian”. She isn’t judgmental about other people and we have friends across the divide.
You should go full accountant on her. 10% of profits or revenue? What about cash flow, massage the numbers a bit and present her a spread sheet to your liking. No accounting fraud needs to be involved
It’s not that easy. The church teaches that if you give your “first fruits” - ie gross before taxes - that no matter what or even if the numbers don’t add up, “God will provide”.
That means before getting out of debt, saving, paying your rent etc.
Dave Ramsey - a popular “financial guru” - is very opposed to debt of any kind except mortgage debt. But he’s also a fundamentalist Christian. He tells people that you should give 10% of your gross to your church (not his organization) even if you are struggling to get out of debt.
The church is very adamant about it.
I’m not here to debate theology. I’m just letting you know about the RFC for Christianity.
As foreign as it sounds logically and to someone who hasn’t come up in the Christian faith, tithing is about “the family” and the household income. We decide everything else based on “our” income so why wouldn’t giving be the same?
And tithing brings a blessing to the entire family and as supposedly the head of the family, I should follow those teachings.
Again, I’m just quoting from the “Christian protocol” or the “standard” and trying my best to argue from that basis. I’m not injecting my personal beliefs. Consider this an objective argument just like if you asked me why you shouldn’t have a body in a GET request.
> Giving money to the church (any church) would be a 1000% deal breaker for me.
It’s a minor nuisance in the grand scheme of things. I have my share of “deal breakers”. But that isn’t one of them.
It can also just be dangerous - before bed is usually when people have the least emotional regulation and are the most tired and cranky. It’s peak ‘domestic’ call time.
Well, outside of end of year holidays.
Ideally, being able to go ‘now is a shitty time, let’s laugh about it and check tomorrow if it’s still an issue’ would be better. But emotions don’t always work that way.
Only for fights that seem warranted, otherwise it could get too much. Most time small arguments gets “resolv-ish” right away, say small stuff like leaving a mess and being an ass about it, you know? You say sorry, next time I’ll be better and it’s usually done
