* You may not have ever seen a lynch mob form, but your genes are very nervous about developing a reputation as the least loyal person in the group. For reasons you don't understand, you display social signals that the group is important to you.
I think the fear is not of a lynch mob - we evolved in situations where we relied on the group for survival, and ostracism meant a much higher risk of death, whether from predation or starvation. Alternatively, any violence, even between individuals, had a higher risk of death due to bacterial infection etc.
Sure, but the example being portrayed seems to be focused on a party where one feels no obligation to stay (for friendship, socialization, intoxication, or future expectation):
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"You are at a party, and you get bored. You say “This isn’t doing it for
me anymore. I’d rather be someplace else. I’d rather be home asleep. The
people I wanted to talk to aren’t here.” For whatever reason, the party
fails to meet some threshold of interest. And then a really remarkable
thing happens: you don’t leave. You make a decision: “I don’t like this.”
If you were in a bookstore and you said, “I’m done,” you’d walk out. If
you were in a coffee shop and said, “This is boring,” you’d walk out.
You’re sitting at a party, and you decide, “I don’t like this; I don’t
want to be here.” And then you don’t leave. That kind of social sticki-
ness is what Bion is talking about.
And then, another really remarkable thing happens. Twenty minutes
later, one person stands up and gets their coat, and what happens?
Suddenly everyone is getting their coats on, all at the same time. Which
means that everyone had decided that the party was not for them, and
no one had done anything about it, until finally this triggering event let
the air out of the group, and everyone kind of felt okay about leaving."
---
At least that's how I'm reading it? This is confusing - why would anyone stay longer in such a situation? How is this different from the coffee shop or bookstore example?
I feel like this is going in circles. The quote doesn't explicitly say, "None of the following reasons for staying apply, and you have no obligation to stay", it is letting you imagine the myriad reasons you might hang out longer than you want out of some sense of obligation.
If it is really unimaginable to you that someone would not leave a social event the minute they're bored, this whole concept of groups might be a little alien to you. Maybe you're autistic, in a way that's very different from how I am. I don't know at all; I don't know you. But I can say confidently that it is normal behavior to hang out a little longer than you really want to at a social event.
For me this doesn't sound confusing. Last time I was at a gathering, what was described (bored but not leaving, waiting for coats) happened. If it were a bookstore or coffee shop, i would have left the moment i got bored.
Maybe i'm susceptible to group pressure. I know a lot of people are.
The funny thing is, afterwards I was halpy that I left as one of the latest.
I don't know how you got "no obligation to stay" out of that, when the message is that they (and everyone else) felt obligated to stay for general social reasons (social sticki-ness).
The best part about having MS is that I can leave any social event at any time and it's not considered rude. As an introvert, I don't miss the 'do I leave?' decision-making flowchart.
* You were invited, and it would be awkward to leave too early.
* You're someone's +1, and it would be awkward to leave them behind.
* It's a party for you, and it would be ungrateful to leave.
* You're intoxicated, and it's not safe for you to drive right now, so you need to wait until you sober up.
* The host put in a lot of effort to arrange the party, and if too many people leave they will be sad.
* It's a mandatory voluntary work "party", and you need to play along or you'll be considered not invested in your job.
* You were expecting to find a romantic interest here, and they're late, but you're still hoping they show.
* You've been avoiding people lately for reasons of your own, but your friends will become more worried if you don't display adequate sociability.
* You're a linchpin in your friend group--when you don't hang out, they tend not to hang with each other, and this is bad for at least one of them.
* It's a battle of the bands, and you need to defeat two of Ramona's seven evil exes.