Just be brutally honest with yourself and do the right thing, what ever that intrinsically means for you.
Even if you don't believe in god, you have an unconscious that keeps a track of these things so act in a way where you might get/deserve chance to rebuild yourself after all of it.
P.S. I've been in a similar situation (smaller level) and the way I handled myself resulted in a downward spiral for years, never truly trusting myself to fully commit to anything while also not fully giving up. Basically running around in circles, each time losing a little bit of heart/spirit.
Even if you don't believe in god, you have an unconscious that keeps a track of these things so act in a way where you might get/deserve chance to rebuild yourself after all of it.
P.S. I've been in a similar situation (smaller level) and the way I handled myself resulted in a downward spiral for years, never truly trusting myself to fully commit to anything while also not fully giving up. Basically running around in circles, each time losing a little bit of heart/spirit.