Even then I take issue with the terms. By all popular accounts I was extremely "introverted" when I was younger. Having made a concious decision to change certain aspects of my life, I am now far more balanced, and I have more than one story that makes "extroverts" blush. Not once have I read an article that discusses introversion and extroversion as flexible personality traits.
By all popular accounts I was extremely "introverted" when I was younger. Having made a conscious decision to change certain aspects of my life, I am now far more balanced...
I'm guessing your level of introversion has not changed one bit. But that your sociality has grown with conscious practice.
Social skills are something you practice. Introversion is something you are born with.
I'm an introvert and everyone tells me I have great people skills and that I am charming and wonderful to have at parties and other events. And I have lots of friend. So how the hell am I an introvert? Simply, after a lot of social interaction I feel mentally drained and need some alone time to recharge my mental batteries. That's introversion.
Not having a lot friends or having anxiety about large social gatherings - that's social shyness and it actually runs rampant among extroverts as well as introverts.
Personal anecdote time:
Every introvert I know, including myself, has no real fear of public speaking. Most get bored by the sound of their own voice when speaking to large groups. Every extrovert I know has a huge fear of public speaking, some honestly fearing it more than death.
I felt, and feel, drained in social interactions where my social anxiety becomes an issue. Where it's not an issue, social interactions are great and non-draining. For instance, I'm really looking forward to spending this weekend at a music festival where I'll be floating around with a thousand other people on a river watching some bands play and I know I'm going to have a great time meeting tons of random people.
I also know that nearly every single extrovert attending that festival is going to be just as drained as I am on Sunday morning - empirical proof is the fact that pretty much everybody leaves these things at the same time (even though the gates usually close much later, and the bands are still playing). In fact, I don't know ANY extroverts who don't eventually need time to themselves, either, so I find your definition to also be lacking.
These observations lead me to again question what "introversion" and "extroversion" really is. It seems very difficult to know what's really going on:
EITHER
1. "introverts" are really just e.g. socially anxious people who subconsciously use "introversion" as an excuse to avoid social situations where their anxiety causes them to feel drained and exhausted; they aren't aware that it's social anxiety causing these issues. It took me YEARS of CONSCIOUS effort to reduce my social anxiety, nevermind the years it took to recognize what it was. I have to wonder how many people have HONESTLY made a similar effort before resorting to claiming they are "introverted" and that's just how they are.
OR
2. people like myself are really just "extroverts" at heart with a love & approval addiction, and therefore place high value on social situations, which they find draining to the extent they lack self-confidence because that lack of self-confidence reduces the perceived love & approval they receive in those social situations; this would explain why extroverts fear public speaking so much - their outward focus makes them more susceptible to fears of social rejection
How does one begin to test which of these theories is correct? If you think they're both realistic, I really don't see much of an in-born difference between "introverts" and "extroverts". As far as I can tell they might just be very narrow labels describing the symptoms (social anxiety, low self-esteem, etc.) of a set of dysfunctional beliefs.
Indicates that the default mode for the introvert brain is to keep the parts of the brain responsible for internal stimulation busy. In extroverts it seem default mode is to pay attention to external stimuli.
While unpleasant social interaction will force everyone to take a break, this would explain why introverts like me find even very pleasant social interaction tiring. It just takes energy to pay attention to external stimuli. Extroverts don't have to spend that extra energy.
That's why one of the tell-tale signs of real introversion is a dislike for music while working. It doesn't matter if it's your favorite music, it's distracting. But for extrovert it would not be.
Born introverts are also a tiny minority of the total population, and this combined with everything else makes me suspect extroverts with social anxiety are in fact most of these "introvert" cases.
Now that's an interesting, testable theory. That being said, by that definition I seem to switch between both modes of operation. I typically enjoy music initially when I start working on something... but after a while when I'm really into it I have to switch the music off otherwise I can't maintain focus. Maybe I'm just a very confused person :)
I could make a really strong case that I'm introverted deep down and I get nervous about public speaking.
I think what this really speaks to is that we should talk about specific traits one at a time, instead of trying to lump a million things under terms like 'Introvert'
It's always interesting to see how others experience their introversion, not least because by definition introverts do not exchange much. For me it's not about "time to recharge", i tend to think like an introvert even when being the center of attention and don't feel shy about it. As a geek, i need rules and regularities, so i 've ended up with a law that there has to be a fundamental balance between "time spent" (because time is the ultimate limited resource) vs "reward". Usually, time spent with "things" is more rewarding than time spent with people, except when the person is truly exceptional but those moments are rare. And it all depends on the definition of "reward".
The ability to function well socially is something introverts don't work on, but they should, not in order to become extroverts but because most (of those i know) are quite more interesting to talk to than the average Joe.
It also has better traits (or types) - it's quite useful to think of people having a certain level of Introversion, Conscientiousness, Openness to experience (aka inquisitiveness, previously known as "culture" but that's not PC), Neuroticism and Agreeableness. All those traits are interesting.
The main advantage of Myers-Briggs seems to be that its traits are all value-neutral (while Openness to experience is basically good, and Neuroticism is basically bad), and the Keirsey Temperament Sorter claims it can sort you into career bins (like "Fieldmarshal" or "Healer"), and compare you to famous people whos behavior seems "consistent" with that personality type.
Perhaps someone should write some book classifying historical figures into Big 5 categories.
Interesting that you consciously chose to be more "outgoing". I believe that (ex-)introverts still have less need for others. Do you believe that your needs have changed too, e.g would you be OK if you went back to living like an introvert tomorrow as you did in the past or would you be overly depressed about it?
The major reason my first relationship (at 28) failed was because of the love/approval addiction I had. At its core that was because of a set of dysfunctional beliefs I had about myself, and had little to do with introversion or extroversion. This is essentially why I'm suspicious of these labels because my experience of these traits time and again comes down to my beliefs, not some inborn characteristic I can't change. Thus the answer to your question becomes: Why would I want to go back to a set of dysfunctional beliefs about myself?
would you be OK if you went back to living like an introvert tomorrow
Being alone and not having a lot of friends is NOT introversion! Seriously, this is like calling narcissistic personality disorder extroversion. Those things are not the same!
