I'm not going to tell you that other people have it way worse than you because its not relevant. for you this is awful and devastating and I respect that.
Uncomplicate your life. Choose 2 or 3 things that are core and spend a year or so focused just on those.
Fitness, your phd and maybe 1 other thing. You have to find yourself again before thinking of starting another relationship. Go do crazy random things. Have one night stands.
"do things you like". I feel like maybe you dont have many of those right now. Thats not a big deal.
Find odd events that are happening around you and just go to them. Go to a restaurant in the morning and have breakfast alone outside. Take your time and just enjoy it.
You are already fit, take on a harder physical test, run a marathon, do an iron man, sign up for a power lifting competition. Do it, when you lose, laugh about it and do it again. Get embarrassed. Embrace the suck. Eventually it wont suck so much but by experiencing new things you are allowing yourself to change.
"due to Covid and my own passiveness and weak sense of self" Again on the physical side but maybe try boxing or Brazilian Ju-Jitsu, something that will make you feel powerful. Join a Rugby club, get hit. Come back the next day.
Go volunteer, I really mean that. Go help someone else it will clarify your position in the world.
Close the door on what was. Who do you want to be?
There is truly no magical answer friend, you just have to get up every morning and try. I think you are going to surprise yourself.
Uncomplicate your life. Choose 2 or 3 things that are core and spend a year or so focused just on those.
Fitness, your phd and maybe 1 other thing. You have to find yourself again before thinking of starting another relationship. Go do crazy random things. Have one night stands.
"do things you like". I feel like maybe you dont have many of those right now. Thats not a big deal.
Find odd events that are happening around you and just go to them. Go to a restaurant in the morning and have breakfast alone outside. Take your time and just enjoy it.
You are already fit, take on a harder physical test, run a marathon, do an iron man, sign up for a power lifting competition. Do it, when you lose, laugh about it and do it again. Get embarrassed. Embrace the suck. Eventually it wont suck so much but by experiencing new things you are allowing yourself to change.
"due to Covid and my own passiveness and weak sense of self" Again on the physical side but maybe try boxing or Brazilian Ju-Jitsu, something that will make you feel powerful. Join a Rugby club, get hit. Come back the next day.
Go volunteer, I really mean that. Go help someone else it will clarify your position in the world.
Close the door on what was. Who do you want to be?
There is truly no magical answer friend, you just have to get up every morning and try. I think you are going to surprise yourself.