I do agree that different kids are different. Ours were often good. However I absolutely did not tolerate poor behavior either. If things got dicey (rarely) I escorted one outside until the storm passed. Never took longer than five minutes. Turning them into zombies instead never occurred to me.
This is such an important note. Of course kids get overwhelmed. Adults get overwhelmed. One of the main reasons kids melt down over it is because they're not just overwhelmed, but trapped.
An adult can excuse themselves, step out for some fresh air, go to the bathroom, or even go home. Knowing how and when to do that is an important skill.
Kids need that outlet too, and they need their parents to be attuned to their needs and help them manage.
If a kid is melting down at a restaurant, they need help from an adult who ought to have some idea what the child needs and how to provide it.
Too many parents seem to think their own desire for an uninterrupted meal is more important than their child's basic biological need to be able to get out of an overwhelming situation. It's not fair to trap someone somewhere they don't want to be and then blame them for becoming upset.
