I've been fighting this battle for years and I still fight it every day with my kids.
First, you MUST set limits on everything addictive to children in your house including the internet. Limit the content they can access and the place and time they can use it. You can adjust the limits, but never remove them.
Second, if they're old enough, explain the concept of addiction to them. Here is a perfect video to do that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo A child will understand exactly what addiction means after watching this video.
Third, show them that you also have limits on your own tech usage. They might not be the same limits you put on them, but you have limits. They will understand this way that limits are not something they can "grow out of" and are part of being an adult.
Last, when they do break the rules, don't shame them for it and don't give them approval for it either. Make it clear that you still love them and the rules are still in place.
I don't see it that way. Both of our approaches are based on education but in different formats. His approach may be valid for his kids. I'm just sharing what works for my family.
From my perspective, children watch what you do more than what you say. If you tell them the internet is dangerous but then leave it wide open, you're sending mixed messages to them and they're not going to take your advice seriously.
The point is not to seal them off in a bubble. I talk about all kinds of hard realities with my kids. And they're exposed to hard realities when I'm not there. The point is that your actions have to match your statements.
> Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist.
Hundreds of times? That sounds terribly embarrassing, doesn't it?
And why wouldn't I want my home to be a sanctuary from the weird shit out there? Isn't the point of a home a place you can kick off your shoes and relax?
> They've fallen thousands of times, we've picked them up thousands of times, and now they're pretty good at not falling.
Thousands??? He has to accept the possibility that they've just gotten better at hiding their vices. That's what teenagers are good at.
This kind of supports my assumption that his kids aren't taking his rules OR his advice seriously.
First, you MUST set limits on everything addictive to children in your house including the internet. Limit the content they can access and the place and time they can use it. You can adjust the limits, but never remove them.
Second, if they're old enough, explain the concept of addiction to them. Here is a perfect video to do that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo A child will understand exactly what addiction means after watching this video.
Third, show them that you also have limits on your own tech usage. They might not be the same limits you put on them, but you have limits. They will understand this way that limits are not something they can "grow out of" and are part of being an adult.
Last, when they do break the rules, don't shame them for it and don't give them approval for it either. Make it clear that you still love them and the rules are still in place.
Good luck.