I spent my twenties doing nothing but working. I put no time into learning basic self care skills like cooking, cleaning, or exercise. Weekends were wasted mostly lying in bed exhausted. I never dated.
In retrospect I was obviously depressed, but I took me nearly 10 years to understand why. My relationships with my parents and peers earlier in life had been so fraught that I became convinced I could never have a healthy relationship with someone. I had so little exposure to people whose relationships were healthy that the possibility hardly occurred to me. It’s difficult to describe what believing this for an extended period can do to a person.
I ultimately realized my mistake and set myself towards bringing more people into my life. However, in trying to correct this I made another mistake. I started taking finasteride in an effort to maintain my appearance, as I believed early baldness would negatively affect people’s initial impressions of me (particularly in romantic contexts). As it turns out, I’m one of the unfortunate few who have severe adverse reactions to this drug. Now, in addition to being socially and romantically inexperienced and out of shape, I’m also constantly fatigued, sexually impotent, and ironically still balding.
I again find it very difficult to imagine anyone, particularly a woman, would want anything to do with me. I see others my own age with families of their own now, while I have done nothing. It’s hard to manage the despair.
There is plenty of survey data to show that baldness reduces a man’s attractiveness. The effect size varies with age. Anecdotally, it also appears to have especially dire consequences in modern online dating.
However, this effect surely pales in comparison to the effect of the permanent sexual dysfunction finasteride can cause. It is frankly outrageous that regulators in the United States have adopted the drug companies’ willful ignorance of this.
In my case I find it impossible to imagine I will ever meet a partner who is comfortable with inability to participate in normative sexual relations, as well as being compatible in other dimensions. I could honestly say that it has ruined my life.
I think you should try weight lifting and see if that helps your testosterone levels to get the libido up. I’d suggest the 5x5 program.
I would also not rule out how much mental stress can turn off any body function.
Never give up friend!
Unfortunately, while lifting is probably advisable for overall wellness, it is highly unlikely to change things sexually. My testosterone has been tested and is quite high even after taking finasteride. From what I have gathered, the notion that the drug’s persistent effects are the result of altered testosterone levels is misinformed. Instead, people who are adversely affected by the drug seem to acquire a condition that resembles androgen resistance - their hormone levels may be fine, but their tissues no longer respond as they should. Some experts have hypothesized the root cause to be an epigenetic change, but there is really no financial incentive for getting to the bottom of it. As with tardive dyskinesia, the condition will likely remain poorly understood and practically untreatable for the remainder of our lives.
I’m afraid details would be a bit too graphic for HN, but I can assure you some of the changes to my body cannot be explained by stress. It is much more than just ED.
You say you have not dated, so your skepticism is perhaps warranted due to lack of real life experience.
There is survey data that can prove, or at least strongly point to pretty much any conclusion you want.
And yet, bald people are out there dating. As are overweight people and everyone else that doesn't sit squarely inside society's beauty standards. Have they done anything differently?
I think you misunderstand my position. I am not arguing that baldness makes dating impossible, only that it is more difficult.
I am now far more concerned with the sexual effects of the anti-baldness drug I took which, again, are likely permanent. Men without working genitals have next to no options - if you are interested I would suggest researching accounts from men with a venous leak, botched circumcisions, micropenis, spinal cord injury and so on. There is a reason why those who find partners despite such ailments are a subject of media interest - they are beating the odds.
I would certainly advise other balding men to simply accept it. The risk of ending up in a much worse position as a result of anti-baldness treatment is simply not acceptable.
> I think you misunderstand my position. I am not arguing that baldness makes dating impossible, only that it is more difficult.
If baldness makes dating more difficult, it is almost imperceptibly so. Being self-conscious about baldness might make dating more difficult. Being bald and ok with it is fine.
IIRC the only thing that really matters and is impossible to change is height. If you're tall enough, you're fine. Also, anecdata: I worked with a "vertically challenged" (his words!) guy and he was dating attractive women (taller than him). He was confident and was able to make fun of his height.
In retrospect I was obviously depressed, but I took me nearly 10 years to understand why. My relationships with my parents and peers earlier in life had been so fraught that I became convinced I could never have a healthy relationship with someone. I had so little exposure to people whose relationships were healthy that the possibility hardly occurred to me. It’s difficult to describe what believing this for an extended period can do to a person.
I ultimately realized my mistake and set myself towards bringing more people into my life. However, in trying to correct this I made another mistake. I started taking finasteride in an effort to maintain my appearance, as I believed early baldness would negatively affect people’s initial impressions of me (particularly in romantic contexts). As it turns out, I’m one of the unfortunate few who have severe adverse reactions to this drug. Now, in addition to being socially and romantically inexperienced and out of shape, I’m also constantly fatigued, sexually impotent, and ironically still balding.
I again find it very difficult to imagine anyone, particularly a woman, would want anything to do with me. I see others my own age with families of their own now, while I have done nothing. It’s hard to manage the despair.