> and to be honest half the time I'm on a bicycle, touring, I'm in agony
Is your bike set up properly? That can make a world of a difference, if your bike is not perfectly set up for your body on a longer tour it can really hurt.
I've gone to a few different bike fitters over the years, as well as physical therapists. A proper bike fit did finally fix my knee issues, but the agony I'm talking about is the kind you experience from riding up and down steep hills all day in the hot sun, the saddle soreness, the general full body aches, pains, cuts and scrapes like you've been getting beat up all day.
Ok! It was just the first thing that came to mind. As you ride more you become tougher too, I find that after the cold season the first two weeks I can get really sore from the saddle but after that it becomes a non-issue. Wrists are another item (you can end up with these if you're not careful: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganglion_cyst) and I wear gloves even in summer to ensure I don't end up wrecking my palms.
The big trick is to keep your weight down, that makes a huge difference (for me, at least). Just a couple of kilos more or less and I feel completely different after a long ride (~70kg = everything is fine, ~75kg = I feel miserable).
Hang in there and try to find something you like :-). I love riding and even though I dislike all the same things you do, for me it's more fuel than it is making me give up.
With that said there are hills and there are hills - we did just the last 10km after our train ride recently but it was all uphill all the time. We took almost two hours because my family just couldn't make it. It was rough even for me. Going back was the a 30 minute breeze, we spent more energy braking :-).
Is your bike set up properly? That can make a world of a difference, if your bike is not perfectly set up for your body on a longer tour it can really hurt.