Work-wise, I have pretty much unlimited schedule flexibility. I have a lot of seniority, and people needlessly fear me for my reputation. My immediate manager is someone younger than me that I helped hire, and he's in the gym probably 4x a week. I went in with him a couple weeks ago and he absolutely wrecked my shoulders in a good way. The problem is that his gym is half an hour away. I can't fix that without moving, and I own a house and have a family. My local gym is a joke, and isn't staffed. I bought an exercise bike a couple years ago, and have maybe ridden it once a month on average. I've owned free weights for years, but the last time I touched them was four months ago when I crushed my fingernail bad enough to go to urgent care. I wasn't even working out, I was moving them back into storage...
I think I am justified it blaming myself for lack of self-discipline. I lost about 8lb since November by calorie counting, due to having elevated liver enzymes. I've gained about half of it back since my enzymes went back to normal though, because it lost its relative importance. My best guess it was due to a medication rather than my weight, and I changed medication. I have a serious and rare medical condition, and the medication I'm taking is probably going to give me cancer in a few decades, so if I'm going to motivate myself to do something it's playing with my daughter or a hobby. If I obsessively worked out, maybe I wouldn't even have the medical condition, but that doesn't seem to be something I'm capable of right now.
10 years ago I got really depressed at work and started working out 3x a week with Herbalife "health coaches". I ached and was hungry all the time and it was great. I was 40lb lighter than I am now, and could do 100 pull-ups. I know I'm still physically capable of doing that, yet it also seems impossible. Laying on the couch reading hacker news seems more important most of the time.
You have lots of seniority, implies a good income thus likely a larger dwelling.
You have free weights at home.
> I think I am justified it blaming myself for lack of self-discipline.
The harsh side of me agrees with this. You have all of the material resources to set up a really cool training setup.
The empathetic/caring side of me disagrees. "Self-discipline" is certainly a thing, but you are also dealing with a medical condition and maybe your body shouldn't be working out in the way that your rational mind thinks it should, plus you want to be a good father to your daughter. Plus, your regular workouts seemed to always have a social component.
Your sub/unconscious needs will dominate whatever "self-discipline" you try to consciously apply.
That's the diagnosis. If correct, the prescription I offer is:
Find a way to do "workouts" which involve your daughter.
I started taking my son to the gym when he was 8, he was doing freeweights. He'd help me count reps. When it was his turn to lift, I stressed 1) low weight high reps (like sets of 30), 2) technique, 3) stop before exhaustion. Kid is eight, skeleton is not built for weight-bearing, so cannot stress it with heavy things.
"workouts" could also be walks, preferably in the park/in nature with your daugher. If you want to make it really physical for you while still keeping your daughter's pace, buy a goruck backpack and put 20lbs in it, then 30, then 40. You don't have to walk fast to exercise when carrying a heavy ruck. Your daughter stops to smell a flower? So do you, bend over to sniff the flower--- while wearing a 40lb ruck. You'll get your workout, all while exploring the world at a child's pace.
I exercise about 4x/week, and work remotely. If I owned a home + some barbells, I would space out my schedule to take 2-hour lunches, and get a workout over the lunch break. This would give me enough time to do meaningful exercise, clean myself up, and microwave my prepped lunch for when I sat down again.
I also expect 90% of people to find that whole idea strange or unreasonable.
Fitness comes down to finding some physical activity that you enjoy, or can comfortably perform multiple times per week. I like big, 'chunky' barbell work, such as deadlifts and overhead presses, but used to solely do cardio. Some people like rock climbing, or hiking, or biking. So long as it's a physical activity, it's likely able to be counted as some kind of fitness or exercise.
If you only have the energy for fitness/exercise 1x or 2x a week, then that's all you need to start with. It won't do very much, but is a great starting point for building a stronger habit without overloading yourself.
You don't need to answer these to me, but if you end up going forward with fitness, you'll probably have to answer them for yourself:
What kind of physical activities do you enjoy? Do you have any fitness goals? Are there any weird aches or pains you have that might be lessened with regular exercise? How many sessions are you willing to commit to in a week? Are you willing to follow a healthier diet?
I think I am justified it blaming myself for lack of self-discipline. I lost about 8lb since November by calorie counting, due to having elevated liver enzymes. I've gained about half of it back since my enzymes went back to normal though, because it lost its relative importance. My best guess it was due to a medication rather than my weight, and I changed medication. I have a serious and rare medical condition, and the medication I'm taking is probably going to give me cancer in a few decades, so if I'm going to motivate myself to do something it's playing with my daughter or a hobby. If I obsessively worked out, maybe I wouldn't even have the medical condition, but that doesn't seem to be something I'm capable of right now.
10 years ago I got really depressed at work and started working out 3x a week with Herbalife "health coaches". I ached and was hungry all the time and it was great. I was 40lb lighter than I am now, and could do 100 pull-ups. I know I'm still physically capable of doing that, yet it also seems impossible. Laying on the couch reading hacker news seems more important most of the time.