It's so exhausting hearing constant anti-trans rhetoric from all sorts of places that any support at all is nice to see. I am so tired of being a scapegoat and it's becoming terrifying because it doesn't seem to be slowing down. If anything, it seems like the world is becoming less tolerant. I frequently wonder where I can move -- if anywhere -- where my existence will not be questioned regularly.
(You may say: avoid social media, but... it's really everywhere. I don't use social media except for Hacker News.)
Yeah, the thing which bothers me the most is that people don't even try to educate themselves.
What do you think my reaction was, when I first heard of trans-people as a young teenager? Of course I laughed a bit and wondered why people think that genders are fictional and why a man would ever be able to be a woman.
But with time I got more curious, educated myself, thought about it, and I think I understand it pretty well now.
Others just seem to hop on a bigoted bandwagon and don't even try to understand.
I think the most important part is educating others, discussing this topic. But this also requires the uninformed person the be open to change their mind. I've had 2 discussions I can remember, one with my SO and the other with my best friend. Both in a way used the same arguments as a bigot would use, just in a curious and innocent way, if you know what I mean. After talking to them they seemed to get what it's about.
I have yet to talk to a trans-person in real life about this topic, but so far I think I understand it well enough in a way that I can talk about it to others.
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> I frequently wonder where I can move -- if anywhere -- where my existence will not be questioned regularly
As sad as it is to admit, I think that's not possible. That's not even a specific issue for you I guess, lots of people get questioned about their race, sexuality, class, even if they're generally somewhere with more acceptance. Focus on people who accept you, don't get pulled down too much by haters and be proud of yourself.
> If anything, it seems like the world is becoming less tolerant
I think a large part is that trans seems to be the new topic. Race and homosexuality has been talked about, of course still not everyone is on board or agrees, but everyone knows these topics and has probably made up their opinion. With transexuality I feel that lots of people just don't know what it really is, which doesn't mean that they wouldn't accept it if they knew it. That doesn't help you at all of course, and I hope that you will once feel like you've been accepted for who you are by our societies. But I think there's still a long way to go. Stick to good people, try to educate neutral people, ignore bad people as long as you can.
All of this is coming from a white cis-male, so all I can do is try to be empathic. I wish you all the strength you need, don't give up!
> Yeah, the thing which bothers me the most is that people don't even try to educate themselves.
Nuance is really important. I mean, I even agree with some of the concerns from social conservatives about transitioning and self-identification and "social contagions" and such. We should try to understand as well as we can, and not push anything on people they may not have felt themselves. It's important to not tell someone they're trans, pushing an identity onto them. There are discussions to be had.
... At the same time, though, that's not the whole story, as some social conservatives would have one believe, and those are not a reason to dismiss trans people. I remember having "gender dysphoria" feelings from a young age. It wasn't about dresses, or barbies, or whatever. I was uncomfortable taking my shirt off to go swimming, assuming my chest was more like my mother's or sister's than my father's or brother's. My genitals just seemed foreign to me. It got worse through puberty as these "male" features became more real.
If you'd thrown me on a deserted island with no culture, I would've still had gender dysphoria.
How do we make life comfortable for people who share in my experience? How do we make puberty less traumatic and do as much as we can to help them feel "normal"? These are questions that social conservatives dismiss as not real problems, but they were real problems for me.
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> What do you think my reaction was, when I first heard of trans-people as a young teenager?
When I was a teenager, there was no talk of trans people, anywhere. It was an unheard of topic. I still had the feelings I did.
When I first heard of them when I was a little older (~20), it was amazing to finally know I wasn't alone in the feelings I shared. I booked an appointment with a licensed mental health therapist the next month to talk about it. On the rise of awareness of trans people, I thought, "Good! They won't have to go through quite what I went through." Today, I worry they're worse off than it being unknown like it was for me.
What ended up making me feel notably better was estrogen. It was strange how well it worked, although I still had distress over my physical features until I was fully transitioned. Now that I am... my gender dysphoria is cured. I still enjoy the same hobbies, listen to the same music, read the same books, play the same video games, and even dress in a similar style. I just don't have distress over my physical features anymore. Like getting treated for any other medical issue, the treatment made the issues I experienced go away. Now the only time I feel distress is when I hear people calling for the death of trans people or blaming societal ills on us.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this, so I'm going to stop here.
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> so all I can do is try to be empathic.
I really appreciate it. All of us do. It means a lot.
> I wish you all the strength you need, don't give up!
No. I copied the person I was replying to's formatting because I thought it improved readability, and if there is any similarity in phrasing, it is coincidental.
> concerns from social conservatives about transitioning and self-identification and "social contagions" and such. We should try to understand as well as we can, and not push anything on people they may not have felt themselves.
100%. We have to approach this topic not only by accepting it, but also by sincerely discussing certain aspects of it. No teen should undergo surgery because of peer-pressure. On the other hand, teens who are certain that they're trans should receive the help they deserve. Difficult to navigate, but doable.
> If you'd thrown me on a deserted island with no culture, I would've still had gender dysphoria
That's something I have always wondered, and I know that the question is hypothetical, so its up to you to answer - Let's say we live in a world where gender roles and norms don't exist. People visit the doctor they need to see, but socially, people just are who they are. Would gender dysphoria still be a thing?
> Today, I worry they're worse off than it being unknown like it was for me
I know what you mean, that in a way they have a bigger spotlight on them. On the other hand, we have way more knowledge about this topic and newer generations are more open about it, so I don't think its that bad.
> I don't know why I'm writing all of this, so I'm going to stop here.
Was really interesting for me to read about your experience, but I see that a site like HN is probably not the best site for such deeply personal things. Would be really interesting to hear more about your experience. Maybe another time.
> most 'trans women' keep their penises intact, and continue to enjoy using them as a man would. These are men with a sexual fetish, not women.
Disagree, fully. Thinking that genitals define your social gender is exactly the wrong thing to do. If a Trans-Woman wants to keep her genitals as they are, then she should, and this doesn't have an effect on her gender.
If she wants to undergo surgery - fine.
Saying that Trans-Women who "keep their penises" are just men with a sexual fetish is in my opinion a very wrong and mean opinion to have.
It's so exhausting hearing constant anti-trans rhetoric from all sorts of places that any support at all is nice to see. I am so tired of being a scapegoat and it's becoming terrifying because it doesn't seem to be slowing down. If anything, it seems like the world is becoming less tolerant. I frequently wonder where I can move -- if anywhere -- where my existence will not be questioned regularly.
(You may say: avoid social media, but... it's really everywhere. I don't use social media except for Hacker News.)