A few inaccuracies here, but one thing that's hilariously wrong:
> Even if you don't, hope you like some dude staring at your dick a couple times a year as you pee in a cup to keep your job.
That's for the military. Civil service gets to go into a stall and shut the door. Also, unless you've got a TS clearance, you can go years between drug tests. Even with a TS, it's very random, some people getting tested nearly monthly, and others every 2-3 years.
True, it depends on what you're doing. If you have a security clearance (which, importantly, is not true for all federal employees) then you are in a drug testing position. Otherwise, it depends on what you're working on/with. Like many jobs involving heavy machinery, wage grade employees without clearances are going to get drug tested, while a clerk in an office probably won't be in a drug testing position. Finance stuff? Probably a drug testing position, whether with a clearance or not.
> Even if you don't, hope you like some dude staring at your dick a couple times a year as you pee in a cup to keep your job.
That's for the military. Civil service gets to go into a stall and shut the door. Also, unless you've got a TS clearance, you can go years between drug tests. Even with a TS, it's very random, some people getting tested nearly monthly, and others every 2-3 years.