You must have just had the bad luck to have read the most appallingly stupid books. I think you might be even a little older than I, and I got into the game late-ish; those C++ manuals or specs you read were probably from the 1970s or 80s? By the time I learned (imperative- and inheritance-based[1]) OOP from the Delphi manuals in the late nineties the virtual method table was explicitly mentioned and explained, along with stuff like "since all objects are allocated on the heap, all object references are implicitly pointers; therefore, Borland Object Pascal syntax omits the pointer dereferencing markers on object variable names" (which you also mention about C above). I'm fairly certain this gave the reader a pretty good grasp of how objects work in Delphi, but I still know nothing about what machine language the compiler generates for them.
It's not the idea of top-down learning from abstractions that's wrong, it's being given a shitty presentation -- more of an obfuscation, it seems -- to learn about the abstractions from that is the problem.
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[1]: So yeah, that whole Smalltalk-ish "messaging paradigm" still feels like mumbo-jumbo to me... Perhaps because it's even older than C++, so there never were any sensible Borland manuals for it.
It's not the idea of top-down learning from abstractions that's wrong, it's being given a shitty presentation -- more of an obfuscation, it seems -- to learn about the abstractions from that is the problem.
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[1]: So yeah, that whole Smalltalk-ish "messaging paradigm" still feels like mumbo-jumbo to me... Perhaps because it's even older than C++, so there never were any sensible Borland manuals for it.