Therapy. For real. In some cultures it's not welcome, but it affects personal development enormously. It's the best investment in your life.
Not that you'll solve all your problems, however you'll learn to analyze your problems and learn to find root causes to fight with, instead of symptoms.
Being here and now is not easy. You may be anxious, tired, may have some mild disorders, obsessions you don't even know about.
It's fine _if_ you can find a good therapist... but keep in mind you're putting yourself in somebody else's hands. You might find a good one, or you might find a charlatan who could really confuse, sidetrack, or mess you up. Be very careful when choosing. Don't agree to a lengthy commitment to one, but rather try them out on a session by session basis.
> Don't agree to a lengthy commitment to one, but rather try them out on a session by session basis.
This is great advice, you may not "click" or trust your therapist. If you don't feel comfortable or the therapist wants to talk about your childhood all time .. . move on.
A good therapist will figure out what works for you and diagnosis any underlying conditions as well. You'll experiment with, for example, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) or just general mindfulness.
I would say try a session with a few different therapists and see how it goes. There are online professionals, but I have mixed feeling about that. People lay down for a reason, sitting in front of a monitor is not the same.
The very fact that you have to present your life in an understandable structure already helps. Actually, that's a funny story. I was so frustrated that my sessions were useless because I could not describe my problems, that I started rehearsing my sessions. What should I say; what is important; what is not important and should be skipped; what is the best order to tell things. After a few months it was not necessary. So the first useful skill I have got is communicating in a clear manner. Especially communicating about feelings. People usually have no idea how to describe what they feel and jet get angry or something.
Therapy is not a silver bullet. While it can be helpful, I found it incredibly awful and frustrating when therapist tries to describe and justify things that are happening to you by trying to tie something from your past. You can always do that with any person and any circumstance.
Client: „I am annoyed by the interuruptions“
Therapist: „Maybe you dont like loosing control because your mother havent given you a titty when you were little and cried for couple of hours“
Something like that…
That’s just BAD therapist, whom you can leave right away without a privilege of explanation. It’s hard to find a good one, but when you find em, your mind will “shit bricks”.
My (experience-based) way to detect a good one:
They can prescribe. That means they are a real doctor and not a “great courses plus grad”. If they work with drug addicts, good.
They only ask, never theorize, nor criticize, nor give a “dad lecture”. They ask, listen, note key points, rephrase and ask if they got it right. Then they ask you a question about the above, which is both perplexing and obvious at the same time. This is the moment when you realize there is a effing wrong pattern in your mind that you weren’t even aware of. Then, often the resolve is just a matter of understanding the issue and being aware of it for a week/month or so. If that doesn’t help, e.g. you now see the issue daily, but can’t help but feel emotion pressure, they give you an algorithmic method or a medication.
They always go from your issue you came in with down to basic mind patterns and emotions, small step by small step, with your affirmation, and do not jump into conjectures straight away, which you can’t even evaluate logically and emotionally.
They clearly explain their methods, if you ask them, or by themselves. It’s not a black magic neither a brain surgery, therapy is a thing you may do yourself, but sometimes you need a mind different than yours to mirror your findings.
There are 10+ charlatans per one therapist.
I would appreciate if someone with a similar experience added/fixed my list, or taught me of why sometimes they behave differently and that still ought to work.
I kid you not I got an explanation about feeling sad and depressed around birthday once: "when we are born we are separated from our mothers and that event deeply traumatizes us for life". Really? an underdeveloped brain of a baby is already traumatized at birth? Maybe you're right, maybe I just have to switch.
Heh, my last time one basically told me to “think about it, maybe it’s something there” for an hour in a variety of ways, mixed with cool stories of his own. I had a feeling that I’m a better therapist than him because he didn’t even pick on my own work and suggestions towards “the method”, which I’ve got relatively fluent in.
(I had to switch recently because my best doc took a long break for an educational mission. And I can’t blame him, it is a pure necessity.)
I've had some really bad ones too. They definitely exist, but there are some good ones too. If you're still seeing that person I'd definitely recommend shopping around.
Just curious, which area you are from (if you don’t mind me asking) and how much an average good therapy costs per hour? Not in USD, but e.g. in % of a decent income there. Mine is around 3%, non-capital russian 1m city.
Chicago area, USA. It varies wildly depending on your healthcare coverage. For me personally, and most white collar workers, it would be less than 1%. Call it 0.1%?
Unfortunately for those that often need it most, coverage is often not good, wages are very low, and it might well approach 10% of your income.
My experience with CBT was that it eschewed chasing down causal issues from your past, and rather worked more towards understanding how you’ve ended up, and to give you the tools to counteract your automatic thoughts and behaviours.
I found it incredibly helpful, what I thought were my issues turned out to be symptoms of a more foundational issue and understanding that gave great insight into why I do things the way I do.
Run a mile from anyone practicing Freudian nonsense.
