First one just turned two. I waited until I was 40 to have a child for this reason. I wasn't ready. I didn't trust my relationships with my demons. I didn't want to burden her with my shit. Still got a whole lotta unbecoming to do, but having her around definitely keeps that flame lit under my ass. There's a wonderful buddhist mindset of looking at difficulties or challenging situations and labeling them as "this is my guru" and that's what I've done with her. She's holding up a very untarnished mirror to my behavior and lifestyle 24/7.
Edit: It's worth noting that my perfectionism turned on fatherhood means I'm a motherfucker of a dad. The key is to use that energy wisely, don't let it get out of control like it did with me. That's a really special gift we both have. Just learn to dance with it.
So far, it sounds like I’m younger you. I’m 35 and the last few years have been Hell, but damn I have grown a lot. Been learning all these lessons the hard way. And I’ve held off on children for the same reasons.
Edit: It's worth noting that my perfectionism turned on fatherhood means I'm a motherfucker of a dad. The key is to use that energy wisely, don't let it get out of control like it did with me. That's a really special gift we both have. Just learn to dance with it.