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Busy Simulator: Feign importance with repeating app sounds (busysimulator.com)
398 points by karmanyaahm on Dec 15, 2021 | hide | past | favorite | 113 comments



*Turns everything to maximum and sits listening to the result for a few moments*

So this is what a career-ending catastrophic production failure sounds like.

I feel I should be responding to this like a horror movie with clowns in it.


Slack message on fast repeat is giving me PTS(D).


Ten years ago I would have had fun with this, but now it also gives me anxiety. Needs a GMail and WhatsApp sound to complete the dread.


In remote work environment compliments are generic and criticisms feel brutal. I feel like 80% of the time the notif sound is associated with bad news and deep down we are all Pavlov's dog. I don't care how people percieve no immediate reponses, because it takes me sometimes a lot of effort to see what I mucked up this time. I feel like a solution to this would be performance or surprise bonuses. But that is never going to happen.


I'm an atheist, but the philosophy of Buddhism (westernized as Mindfulness) makes a lot of sense for me: we suffer because we desire, and we suffer less when we desire less.

I had to unPavlov myself when my phone rang during home office. As soon as it rang, I assumed it was trouble and wished it would go away. Now I just answer, and if it's trouble, at least it doesn't bother me more than it should.

Same goes with positive desires. I had to learn to enjoy working from home as long as possible, and not stressing because we would return to the office eventually. Home office has ended for me, but the last couple of months were less stressful because I stopped wishing for it to last more.


xkcd provides the narration: https://xkcd.com/2544/


My dad likes to do "Can I call you?" which I might see later, after which he won't respond which for me essentially means I will go through "worst case scenarios" in my head over and over..


I had to have that convo with my parents.

"When I see something like 'Can I call you?', it implies to me that there's something really important you need to tell me, that's too important to send over text. I know you don't mean it that way, but it's very scary to me in the absence of more information. Can you please include a reason why you'd like to talk next time you text?"

Once my folks understood that they were putting across the subtext of a death in the family, they started adding why they wanted to call!


I had this same conversation with my father last week. He is a low-frequency communicator, so when I get the "Call me" text I feel I have to take a deep breath and brace myself for thew news.


I had to have the conversation twice; the first time I got really mad at my mom for sending me "Call me as soon as you can". She didn't really get why I was so upset - probably because I was too upset to think clearly about why I was.

The next time it happened, I clued my folks in to the subtext of that message for people of my generation. They were horrified and apologized profusely. They've also never done it since.


Yep, same thing with voicemails. "Hi X, it's your dad, call me back", and his voice was always dour/sad in just normal conversation...


Ugh. Yesterday I got up, was sat around in my office at 8:30am in my underwear when I get a text from my lawyer: "We can have a chat after the court hearing this morning". Court starts at 9am. I'm an hour from the courthouse. I'M NOT EVEN DRESSED. I saw this judge once imprison a man for 30 days for laughing at a joke the judge made.


Boss randomly: “can we talk?”


Thanks for posting, I made this. Let me know if I'm missing any of your (least) favorite sounds.


Please do add an option to play a video of a large zoom meeting where someone is talking nonstop and others are shaking their heads in disagreement.


Also add a video where someone is repeatedly asking you to mute your audio.


This is great thanks!

What distribution did you use for the gaps between sounds? Feels a bit too regular to me. May I suggest Poisson distributed intervals based on the slider?


Messed around with numbers until they made sense. Your suggestion is a very smart one for a very dumb thing. Let me see what I can do.


Heh. I can quote the answer as the answer is easy.

If you want the time between the last sound and the next sound to average T, schedule the next sound to begin at

    next = last - T*Math.ln(Math.random())
Explaining why this is correct requires a bit of calculus and a couple perspectives from probability theory...

To give a quick outline, if this were discrete timesteps then the answer would look like this: given that one event has a probability p of happening, then the probability it happens after exactly n tries is

    (1–p)^{n–1} * p
Since it has to not happen independently n–1 times. Then we want to scale this to N tries per unit time so the timestep dt = 1/N... Evidently p needs to also decrease and we assume it just scales down with the timestep, p=k dt, t = n dt, so n = N t. Making those substitutions one gets the defining expression for e^x and so the probability that the event happens between time t and t+dt is, in the limit, k dt e^{-kt}. We can then integrate this to confirm that it is normalized and to discover that its mean is 1/k.

Then coming from the other side, the probability of the given expression being between t and t+dt is the probability that Math.random() falls between A and B, which is just B–A. Some more calculus gives the exact same expression with k=1/T, bada bing bada boom.


That’s a neat solution, my instinct would have been futzing with the universal distribution of Math.random() into a normal distribution (incurring even more cost than the Math.log() call in the process).


If I recall correctly, this will get you a standard deviation of 1.

  let result = 0;
  for (let i = 0; i < 6; i++) {
    result += Math.random() - Math.random();
  }
  return result;
Obviously this costs 12x as much as Math.random() itself, but it sure is simple.

(It'll also never return anything more than 6 standard deviations away from the mean, but it's not like you actually want that in most applications.)


> Your suggestion is a very smart one for a very dumb thing.

lol, I love HN so much.


Zoom ringtone please, I had a boss that would call me with horrible timing on a routine basis.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlyGdpyI1zI


Could you add Facebook and instagram sounds? Not so it makes you sound busy, but as a few other commenters have said, it may help with desensitization of notification sounds and I like that idea a lot



Do they have their own unique sounds? It's been so long since I've heard one that I assumed it was just system notification sounds.


Lovely idea! Any plans turning it into an app? I think just a wrapper around a webview would work for iOS, and PWA on Android. The only things that need a small work IMO is to remember last settings and autostart on app start.


Fun! Thank you for building it.

Would you consider adding Zulip?

Notification sound at https://github.com/zulip/zulip/blob/main/static/audio/zulip....

Logo at https://github.com/zulip/zulip/blob/main/static/images/logo/...


For the global audience could add one of the most used apps in the world from China - WeChat, which has pretty distinctive sounding pings. Great work!


I'd love to see Element here (https://app.element.io).


How about adding the 'call' tones for some of the services that have calling options, but make it low frequency (once a few minutes) by default. Might help to show a tooltip or something about how frequently it will trigger.


It's awesome (and horrible). Needs 'cherry MX blue' sounds too...


For better or for worse I'm bringing in my keyboard to the office tomorrow!


I was a bit disappointed that the "vibrating phone" sound didn't actually vibrate my phone. Chrome has support got that built in, might be a nice touch.

Also, the sliders don't render right in Firefox on Android.


Telegram notification sounds and maybe the ringtone would be "nice".


This is great! Thanks for making it. I turned on everything and for a second it felt like I was in the middle of a crazy on-call session.


The only two services that I use are Telegram and Signal - both missing.

But you did a great job overall, and the design is completely fitting.


A randomize button would be nice for the sliders. Or for extra randomness, you could slowly modulate them with a sine wave.


If you would add the default Samsung notification sound, that would make this 10x more annoying for me :D


a keystroke sound or mouse click here and there , and then i could legally go to sleep on my chair


Please add WhatsApp Web notifications as well!


Oh man I feel like I have PTSD from procrastinating on projects for so many years. Heart rate is up, and I feel like drinking in excess.


Not me... My phone and desktop have been on silent with all notifications off since summer of 99'... My family hates me because I'm always missing calls, but I sleep like a rock.

Navigation voice is also off in my car ritually since it started talking too much and unnecessarily pointing out places of interest, I always miss turns but oh well. No big deal.

I still wonder if there is a Google assistant command to turn ringers on and off though, maybe one year I'll look it up. I have a feeling that one day soon we may not have a choice of turning notifications off because it gets in the way of fake manufacturer notifications though...

There's a bunch of evil ManuFacturers out there lately creating fake notifications.


> unnecessarily pointing out places of interest

I have never experienced this in Romania. But if the proprietary clouds give you trouble, try OsmAnd, which uses OpenStreetMap: https://osmand.net/

It is also available on F-Droid: https://f-droid.org/en/packages/net.osmand.plus/


More recent Android has a feature where your phone will not present notifications when face down. Flip it back over to start getting calls, texts, and other chimes.

Shush mode iirc. I've had it on for multiple versions and it survives updates.


OnePlus has a physical button for toggling between normal, vibrate and silent.

Easily the best thing with their phones.


> My family hates me because I'm always missing calls, but I sleep like a rock.

Is there any solution out there for Android to have the phone in silence, unless there is a call or message from specific contacts (whitelisting notifications for Android)?


You can set Android to still ring for starred contacts.


A true TIL!

Will this also work with messaging apps (e.g. Whatsapp) or only on the phone/sms app?


yes, it works for whatsapp; note that it does bypass Do Not Disturb, but won't make any noises if you've turned the phone to silent or vibrate.


The iPhone DND switch is something that should be on every mobile device.


Android has it too, although it's software (but some have a hardware switch which kinda-sorta does similarly). I just leave my phone permanently on DND and whitelist a few contacts and apps.


In 2011 I shut down a failed business only to realize I had personally guaranteed a high five-digit loan. I offered the bank 50 cents on the dollar to release me, they told me to get lost ... so I did.

I silenced my phone while agencies called me for about three years. (Interestingly, that's the only thing they did - I never got a letter or an email or a text.)

The collections agencies went away, my credit was never dinged, and I learned that receiving on-demand phone calls are 100% unnecessary in my life.

Re: credit YMMV. I fully expected my credit to be impacted, as it well should have.


I've successfully waited out debts, even a felony possession warrant once the time I got caught buying MDMA and fled the state. Took their toll stress-wise, though.


I'm glad to be working from home, and I've taken to not picking up the phone outside of working hours / during lunch, or if there's a message, to do a glance at best - send a message or make an appointment, and if it's a message or e-mail, by default it can wait. My personal time is mine and if you want any of it, pay me.


My phone is on silent/vibrate at all times, and automatically goes into "do not disturb" mode in the evening. Only calls from very few specified numbers are allowed during DND mode.

If I had to listen to all the beeping and noises that other people seem to, I would have thrown the phone out the window by now.


> unnecessarily pointing out places of interest,

Which app is this? I am really concerned about this.


Default Apple iPhone ringtone sent shivers down my spine for ages after a few years of having it as my on-call work phone.


Yes. Word of advice to anyone reading this: if you are given an on-call phone, change the ringtone to something you’re unlikely to ever hear in any other context.


I spent $1.99 on a custom ringtone in the Apple AppStore. Best $1.99 I ever spent because I’ve never heard another phone with this ringtone (can’t be said for ANY of the default ringtones).

That’s after several hours using GarageBand to create and export a custom ringtone. That was an utter nightmare because there’s just no easy way to get custom ringtones onto iOS unless you buy it from the AppStore.


You can't import your own custom ringtone on iOS?

What possible justification could Apple have for such a limitation? "Security" again?


You can. I did... eventually. It requires GarageBand and is an unbelievable pain.


What's painful about it? What's the process?


Pairs nicely with http://conferencecall.biz/


Now this is the most 1990s thing I’ve seen in a while. Thanks


This is very atmospheric.


Watching this run, I wonder if you could use something like this to desensitize yourself from notification addiction. Since this is stimulus without any reward, ever, may it break the normal stimulus-response-reward cycle of real notifications?


Why not just disable or reduce the problematic notifications?


I try to do this, but the problem is then you are even more responsive to the notifications because they happen so rarely


Isn't that a good thing? You want to be responsive the the rare notifications that are actually important and disable everything else.


It's like this comment comes from a different reality, but I imagine so. You can probably also use use it to desensitize yourself from notification phobia.


I can only imagine how this came to be: some ultra important type took a meeting without muting notifications. And the builder decided to parody it.

Honestly love this.


I love the 90’s style 3D Art Text Effects (or whatever it was called in Word) and the Windows 95 backgrounds. I feel young again!


For a completely unknowable reason, WordArt effects are popular in hyper-edgy memes, these days.


> the Windows 95 backgrounds

That's XP! (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bliss_(image))


I genuinely appreciate the correction. More and more, I’m content if I can simply place things in the right decade.


For a nostalgia hit play https://simulator.money/


This is fun, but there's a bug when you try to get a valuation on your property in the game.


WordArt!

You may enjoy this:

https://www.makewordart.com


Not to mention the "BonziBuddy" about link!


Need to add the call tones for Teams/Zoom/ etc.

On the other hand. This page is kinda anxiety triggering https://www.tiktok.com/@ashleasexton/video/70000143018891543...


If I still worked in an office, I would 100% be putting this on in the background of my colleagues’ unlocked computers.

Man. These sounds are to my stress levels as a bell is to Pavlov’s dog’s drool.


That's a great idea, I need to remember this site :D

We'd just put on https://nyan.cat and see how long they nyaned for until they realized their laptop was unlocked for.


Nice concept, but the sounds are audibly not Poisson-distributed. Rookie mistake.


Enabling them all and watching them bounce is actually a satisfying and peaceful experience. Love the purple chimpanzee.


> Love the purple chimpanzee

Bonsai buddy left us too soon :(


This is the evil, browser-dwelling twin of noice.

https://f-droid.org/packages/com.github.ashutoshgngwr.noice/


Was having fun clicking the icons until I clicked the Outlook button, and my entire body convulsed as my eyes jumped to the bottom right corner of the screen. Need a black box warning for some of these sounds!


The cacophony when all the sounds are at max frequency is beautiful.


It's the George Costanza of web apps. I love it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC8PzhNuh7w


The about box mentions the Zoom "original sound", but I can't find Zoom on the page. Did the page get a bit of, err, amnesia? :(


In zoom itself, set this setting to on, is what it means.


Thanks for this abomination. I feel like puking in 10 seconds. I don't understand why people would feel good about this. My neck hurts


This must have been inspired by David Graeber's "Bullshit Jobs".


The ring out on the iMessage ding is really long. Are these official sounds? Is it just that the speakers connected to my system are much better to hear how long the sound plays compared to an iDevice crapeakers?


Yes it’s very long and no, iDevices speakers are actually pretty good (for their size).

iOS ringtones are pretty nice tbf (especially the alarm clock ones) but they are the same for years so, as nice as they are at start, you inevitably end hating them.

For the record, I randomly noticed that when enabling ringtone plus the vibrations, the Taptic Engine vibrates in sync with the ringtone in a subtle way that emphasizes the notes. I found it smart.


The problem with the haptic buzzer is that it is absolutely silent on many surfaces (unlike actual vibrations)


The phones have speakers - alerts can sound like a rotary vibration motor if you want them to https://www.zedge.net/find/ringtones/vibration

The ability be silent is an upside.


> The phones have speakers

I have my phone on silent. I would still like to hear it vibrate when it's on a soft surface for example.


Well, I'm starting to get a decent beat going ...


Something I didn't know I needed till I found it.

It'd be nice to make the notifications come even slower however ;-).


There is a slider beneath each icon that controls speed (light grey rabbit silhouette to the left of slider clued me in because "fast as a rabbit").

Yes this is great.


I think OP means even slower than the slowest setting. To be actually useful it should be more believable.


Thanks. It didn't look like a slider to me (Firefox).


This is great desensitization therapy. Listen to it all for a few days and your fears will be gone


This is anxiety inducing. I love it.


Wow, that was triggering. Great work though — I shall use this for mental resilience training.


Should use the vibrator api


PTSD


Does anyone remember the "boss key?"


So, this is what hell sounds like...


while :; do make; make clean; done


AHAHAHA

What a neat APP, thanks! Very cool!




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